安静...

这几天...我觉得很安静...
突然觉得周围变得安静...
也许是生病了,总是在找床睡觉...
电话把它关上声音,因为没人找我..
也不想去碰电话...也很懒惰驾车...
只想赖在房间里...觉得很安静...
我不需要去理会自己有没有时间分配出来做什么事情..
我可以暂时不去碰功课..
我可以暂时不用去接触任何人...
总之就是觉得安静就对了..
也许主要关键是电话没响吧...
我也不需要去按信息,也不需要等信息..
就觉得真个系统停止操作了...
那种感觉原本很难受...
可是却突然让我觉得很安静,蛮舒服的..
我甚至在想,如果每天都这样会怎样呢?
每天起身,吃吃喝喝,上网,睡觉...
想东西让我觉得很累...
突然不想去想了..
想了只会让我心痛...
上网只为了等...等个回应...
可是当我每隔几个小时去看的时候,
我却还是等不到,更是看不到回应...
失落...让我觉得我是不是不应该等呢...?
很矛盾的心情.....
让我觉得不如就让我过着安静的生活吧..
安静在自己的思想..
安静在自己的生活..
只有自己...感觉好像有点孤独..但是又舒服...矛盾吧!
当我想找个聊的朋友时...
我才发现我好像失去了她这个朋友...
我该怎样补救呢...我不知道...
我的问题吧,一向来都是我的问题..
我会改...让我安静的改掉我一切的坏...
让我安静的爱着心里面的你..
让我安静的做决定..
让我安静的听你说..
让我安静的在你身旁..因为有时我真的觉得讲话很累人...
让我安静的有自己的想法..因为我很希望自己的想法得到尊重..
让我安静的......
休息...............
病得累.....
想得累.....
等得累.....
讲得累.....
做得累.....
请让我.....安静......的生活....

i wish...

sometimes,you have to make a decision,
if that is what you want,then just go for it..
if not,what for still suffering over here ...?
i don't understand,is my fault i guess..
i wish...i have a big space of heart...
to understand,to take it,to accept,to forgive and LET GO...
how many times i shout it loud to myself,damn it,why i can't just LET IT BE N LET IT GO?!!
i used to care about it so much till i feel hurt in the end..
and yea,im not the most unlucky one in the world...
but why??why when i choose to believe it,then the bad feeling comes to me?
i thought this is not supposed to be like this?
im trying hard to take it and forget about it...
i thought i can.. but its make me feel suffering ..
and i didnt see anything,cant feel anything from there...
is it my fault?is it real that i really cant see and feel it?
am i not good enough?yea..im not,because i dont know how to pretend at all..
i dont know how to pretend like nothing happen,
i dont know how to pretend like im OKAY with everything,
i dont know how to pretend like im STRONG enough..
i dont know how to understand people's situation at all..
n yea im now facing my problem and again i THOUGHT ...
there is some help they offering by anyone,anywhere..
im just so stupid to thought that there is some miracle,
there is something that i can rely on..
i thought i can try to understand the whole thing..
but i cant,just because i cant see any effort over there..
i guess the problem is from me..
because the problem always is from me,because im thinking too much.
this is what i always heard,but what makes me think in that way?
can it be like try to think twice before put the judgement on me?


i wish...i really wish...
there is a machine for me to delete ALL the memories,
delete ALL the hell things that in my mind,
delete ALL ... i wish..
because i don't know how to move on anymore..
i hate the feeling now..
everyday .. almost everyday..
i wish that i can start it all over again..
i wish there is something for me..
i thought there is some help from there...
but i couldnt see it....
im not going to pretend anymore..
because i hate to pretend like im strong enough to face it...
all i wish is...give me back all the goods of everything..
if there is a chance for me,
i will choose to stop and go back to the past...
because i cant feel it anymore...


i wish........
there is nothing happen before...
at least...i wont have that bad feelings right now...
all i want is just.....
the old me n the old memories that are memorable..
i wish........i can be strong enough to let go everything...

but not the things that i treasured.........

就这样..

好像没有真正祝自己生日快乐...
祝我生日快乐...
今年...我21岁了...
我在这个世界生存了21年...
一天一天的长大,周围的事也越来越不同...
直到今天,我已经是个大人了...
看着在学走路,学讲话的小孩子,
再看自己现在已经会走路讲话甚至是思考...
觉得很奇妙...人就是这样慢慢的长大了...
小孩在长大过程学走路会跌倒...
大人在成长过程也依然会跌倒,受伤的...
我还在经历着....
朋友都会把这一年搞得盛大,特别,好让自己留下灿烂的回忆..
可是我却没有,因为觉得不想花父母的钱,
反正没有必要,那就让我的生日这样的过吧...
每年的我都是和朋友一起过,吃餐好的再吹蛋糕,
可是偏偏今年...觉得我的生日好冷清...
人缘不好吧...连看戏都变得少人...
还要自以为会有什么的...够白痴吧...
结果...自己失望,好好的睡一觉...
就这样...也许长大了吧,就让一切平凡吧...
我不就是想要过着平凡生活吗?
现在真的如愿以偿了...呵呵..
我就这样的上了一堂课...
我不再...不再.....去期望不可能的东西...
因为我不比别人来得幸运甚至是好命...人缘也不好吧...
越想要人记得,人偏偏就忘记...
越想要人忘记,人偏偏就记得...
我不再渴望人记得...因为我并不重要....
我会好好的就是了.......

今年我的愿望是...
希望家人永远开心..
希望自己可以开心的过着我的新生活..
希望.......... =)
happy birthday to me =)