arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
whats wrong with me.....?!!!
y is like....haih......inresponsible?or izzit is bcoz is my fault again.........................
i thought it just can be share...share the burden?share the things?
but...actually the answer is not............
i dunno what the hell wrong with me la...
put the blame on me bah............
haih..........i hate this feelings.....
as the conclusion...never thought tat everything will go in ur way.......

system down....

haih...recently....i feel that i become super blur @@
haih...system down ad?i think so...
although still can laugh n 38 as normal..but then feel like no energry ad...lol
why im here to post?
i also dunno what i want to post...

recently is like....too many things happened..
got good news,bad news,happy news,sad news..
some news are easy to accept..
but some news have to take time to accept it...
luan hor?i think so...
haih....still the same word la,ppl dun care then what for i care about it ler?
so...i decide to take care myself and wait my man to come back >.<

darling.......i miss u till siao liao lor...
6days = 144hours....>.<
i miss u badly la.....
everynight cant talk with u before i sleep..
every morning cant received ur morning call...
lucky i consider as an independent girl jek...hehe..
if not....i sure die lor XD
kla..is time to bed...feel sleepy bcoz of the medicine...good9!!

i will keep pray for u my darling =) wait u here...

all i can say is...

all i can say is...
dun be afraid...
dun worry...
everything will be alright...
everything will be past tense....

but what i want is...
i want to see u right now....
i really really worry n dunno wat to do anymore....
i dunno what's the feelings right now...

i know everything will be fine..
i know u will be fine...
just need some time...
i will take k myself....i will miss u here...
i will wait u to come back....
promise me u stay strong n must come back to see me as soon as possible k..

going to sleep right now...
medicineSsss...thousand of pilsssss that i need to take...
make me feel like want to vomit all the pilsss out....
good night....

blur @@

gosh...im blur for the whole day >.<
sick ad...flu n cough stay inside my body T.T
went to see doctor ad but can't take medicine bcoz scared will get sleepy...
what a good reason is tat?!haih..who ask me still got assign to do..
last minute work..loh lei sui~~
haih....
this morning went back to college for collect our gowns...
saw dai pat hao at college..feel like long time no see him man..
sudd miss him so much tats y i shout his name loud DAI PAT HAOOOO
miss those moment that he still study with us in diploma...
nvm la,tomolo nite can meet daipat gang ad !!hehe..
ice age 3 is waiting me ^.<
after tat went old town for discusionsssss.....haih...
sorry guys tat i quite blur @@
frens said i looked so blur n sick....
haih..i also dunno why..just feel pening n wan to sleep...
but cant really can sleep...haih...
i feel blur n blur....
blur when i driving,coz i dunno where to turn =(
blur when i talking,coz i dunno wat i talk =(
blur when i walking,coz i din realize there are something blocking my way =(
blur when i talking my bath,coz i dunno i take body shampoo ad or not end up take twice =(
blur when i doing assign,coz i dunno wat i write =(
BLUR~~~~~~~~
they said i sick once my darl is not here...aikz..i ad feel sick before he go korea la >.<
but no doubt tat i miss him sooooooo much...
feel like he ad went there for 1 year T.T
everyday after back from coll,can't sms or call him...
dunno how is him...izzit everything ok over there...?
haih...faster come back la darl...i miss u ler >.<
hope i can recover before he back from there...
i miss u darl~~~~~i will take k myself...dun worry about me ya =)

to elaine,
ALL THE BEST to ur competition....solo till the max ya!!
haha..dunno what words lai de...just hope u can win it!!
solo man...i know u feel scared la..but i know u can dance well!!
win it back,then i call u solo chiam!hahaha XD

is time to back to my assign...gosh..feel sleepy man >.<
just took medicine.......T.T
arghhhhhhhh!!hate sick!!!!

if...

if....i can choose...i will choose to talk to u...
if....i can choose...i will choose to cry in front of u...
if....i can choose...i will choose to say i love u instead of i hate u...
if....i can choose...i will choose to walk away from here...
because...i hope u can know what am i trying to talk...
because...i hope u can feel how pain is my heart...
because...i hope i still have the chance to say i love u before i regret...
because...i hope i can get some fresh air n can make u realize what actually is happening...
i just feel like cant take it anymore....
i really feel like want to stop everything here to make myself feel happy...
i really feel like want to shout out loud in front of u to make u feel it...
dad....can u stop everything n back to normal...
i know i should pray hard until i see the miracle...
but sometimes...it's just hard....
i was too weak .......
i feel nothing right now although my tears keep on dropping.....
can i just choose to stop my studies and get out from here..?
can i just do whatever that can make me and mom feel happy..?
no one understand my feelings...my pain...
it just too much for me.....

外面在下雨...

今天有个朋友出国了,去了个遥远的地方开始新的生活..
心里怎样都觉得有点难过和不舍得,虽然我们的友情并不深..
但是依然难掩心中的不舍,鼓起勇气打了电话给他说再见..
还有更多的朋友比我更舍不得他,只希望他能很快的回来...
damien,保重了..好好照顾自己也不要把你一班好朋友忘掉噢...

今晚的雨水不停的在下,眼泪也好像想陪雨水似的....T.T
也许最近很多事情发生吧...真的会透不过气来...
很多事情是我以为可以很快就过去的,可是...却一直围绕着我...
我开始觉得很迷茫,好像迷失了方向...
我开始对自己的所做所为感到动摇...
我不知道我该怎么做....
是我自私吗?是我错了吗?
是否应该不顾一切的成全大家的心愿?
那谁能明白我的感受...
为什么当我想让一切简单化的时候,事情往往就是会被复杂化?
为什么当我想做一些简单的事情时候,事情总是会变得复杂?
我-很-累!!!!
我是我,我是贝儿,一个很平凡的女子...为什么不能继续平凡下去..?
我-很-乱!!!!
我只想一切都可以被解决...只想被人尊重,尊重我的一切...很难吗?
我很想好好的爱身边的一切...
我很想简单的面对身边一切...
我很想胜过一切的问题好让我可以更坚强...
我很想表达我心中的感受,很想大声的喊出来...
我真的好想.......一切都可以重来...一切都可回到原点...
我好想念daipat gang 的朋友,少了你们的欢笑声真的很不习惯...
怀念以往经常喝茶打球的日子...你们都还好吗...?

家人与学业都让我无法平衡...
很多时候都有心无力,真没用的我 ><
我很想用尽一切的方法来让你们开心...
可是...我真的很没用...
很想用尽办法来完成所有的任务,
可是...我真的很无能...
啊~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
我不想继续了啦 T.T

一切的问题是因为我自私的举动吗...?
可以允许我自私一次吗....?
可以允许我放纵一次吗....?
可以允许我大哭一场吗....?
可以允许我就在这里停止吗...?
我不知道我可以撑到什么时候....
我知道我并不是最可怜的那一个,
我也不需要别人来可怜我,
我只想说.......我很累...我的心灵感到疲倦了...
我...很需要你....
你...也很需要我....我们都需要彼此...
可是我们都知道我们的能力有限...
我只想让你知道...
我真的很爱你,更想好好的爱你直到永远...
或许我无法达到你的要求,无法做到最好...
可是我真的在努力,也许你无法看见...
我不会轻易放弃...只因我在乎...只因我爱你...
你可以不要放弃,继续的陪伴我吗...?
不管未来的路是如何,不管我们在哪里,
只要我们的心是坚固的,一切的阻碍都会成为鼓励...
我...爱...你....

happy birthday to saya =)

wow...recently really no time to blog la...
phew...today is the only day that can relax awhile..
let me update about my birthday 1st..hehehe..
start from 23/6...which is my classmates celebrate me n meimei birthday..
yuhooo~we went to uptown-tree house,the place quite nice la,but price abit bit exp..
at first really scared that the place will be malay place..haha..
sorry ar sammy...make u worry at 1st...
but i really like it when i step into the place ^.<

meimei,i know ur wish =P hahaha

thank u guys!!love u all =)

25th night,my best friend brought me for dinner,although just a simple celebration,
but it's already enough for me!!thank u for everything loo sing,zizi,chicken n gf =)

my best friend-15 years friendship ^.^

my buddy during secondary school n his gf =)

who knows...elaine,mun ee,zhenhao,jerry,pca,jiahao,xinzhi + my darl appear at my house after i back from dinner..lolx...i was like...really surprise man...guys,i really really feel touch n glad that i know u all..although recently we all bz with our own things,but then u guys always in my heart =)
dear elaine,thx for ur plan and the present n the birthday card!!!really really like it!
i know u are bz n tired but still plan here n there...hahaha...
love u man!!!strong women ^^
n of coz mun ee la..hehehe..my mother!!sick ad still came out with them..hahaha..
dun worry la..u din bocor their plan!!hahahhaha...love u my mom =)

omg..daipat gang + my darl gave me a big surprise =D

thank u elaine!!u r the best!!a special best friend =)

ta da~~26th is belong to me n my darling =)
although just a normal celebration,movie n dinner,but i already happy!!
darl,thx for everything...i know recently both of us also bz with studies..
but i just want you to know that...no matter what,i always be there for u =)
all the problem will disappear n our relationship will be stronger n longer...
i love you.....mwah!

this is my darling =)

i love you ^.<

you will always in my heart =)

*shy*

happy birthday to me ^.^ yuhoo!

datanglah 'the cave'!!it is a nice place!!

27/6..when i was on the way yamcha with my friends after church service...
my bro call me,ask me to yamcha wit my mom..i was like..wat??yamcha wit mom??
then i said i already promise my friend to yamcha then he said ok nvm..
then i just keep on driving to meet my friends...but my bro call me again..
but the voice is not him...is the 3 monkeys..hahahah...
which is hsia,yee n cheesoon...lol..they wanted to give me surprise,who knows i go to yamcha,bcoz at 1st they said celebrate with me on sunday nite,so i never thought that they will appear on saturday nite..hahaha...so they can't wait ad,then call me by using my bro's ph..hahaha...
shock me la...then i faster ffg my friends n went back to home...
reached home,take some pic with them n my new adidas bottle,hahaha..then went supper at Mcd...
love u guys...really appriciate what u guys did =) muackkkks!!

this 3 monkeys suddenly appear at my house =P

jimui forever ^^

a kiss from leng hsia ^^

the best juvin in the world ^.<

thank u for the present ^.^

our friendship never end =)

the end of my celebration =)
special thanks to :
DBC E1 gang + lou dou ^^
my best friend,loo sing,zizi,chicken n gf =)
daipat gang + darl =P
my darl ^.<
also my dear bro n mother (real one)
without them,i think the surprise wont be tat surprise ad =P
my jimussssssss !! i love u guys...
friendship never end =)