recently...

recently...everything was not that fine for me...
my 1st accident,i knocked an old man down with his bicycle when i was trying to make a turning on a junction...
i seriously can't forget the scene,when i saw him fell down infront of me..
is my fault..is because of my careless...
luckily the uncle just get hurt on his hand,and i paid him...
and i was lost in my mind,i don't know what to do,i don't know why i will did that mistake..
i can't imagine that if he is riding motorcycle,will him lying on hospital now?
i really feel scared...cry and cry...when i woke up on the next day,the scene keep appear in my mind..
darling,thx for accompany me after that accident...
i feel safe when u hug me tight in ur arms...
i know is a small accident,i should feel lucky that i din hurts anyone...
thank god...but i really don't feel want to drive in this few days...
i know i have to overcome it...i do feel disappointed,but i know you can't do anything,so i just drive on the next day...or maybe i should say...i already get used with it...
i know i should be more independent,instead of keep depend on you...
that is my first accident in my life...
back to my life...my family...
dad is still the same...don't want to work,don't want to go anywhere...
he somemore plan to stop working again,he wanted to sell his car...
for me,is not a problem that he selling his car,but he din plan well for it..
he just thought after the car get sold,he can get money and go back to his hometown without think about get a second-hand car...i don't know what actually he want,why he can't plan well?without car,how his going to survive?depend on my car?my car that always having problem??i don't understand....
i know he needs money,but can he just be more rational?i know he's still in illness..
no matter what we said,he already decide...i have no idea at all...
he don't want to work,then who is going to get income for our family?
mom can't work,she was thinking to be a baby-sitter again,but the problem is her legs was not that strong anymore...take care a little kids or a baby is not that easy for her anymore...
i really don't know how...Lord,please show me your way...
day by day...everyday when i reach home,saw dad's face,listen to mom's words...
and i can't do anything...i was like...im having my problem too..
i can't take it...it's just makes me feel confusing...
i don't know...my studies...can i still continue with it?
friends around me was having problem too...
my darling was sick n busy...sometimes i don't know how much he can understand with my situation...
lost...i'm lost...final is coming,and i still left 1 assignment..
i still need to take care of my church member...
everytime when i was sharing in front of them,i feel that i'm not supposed to do the sharing...
because myself was not that strong enough..and i still need to encourage them,help them..
im sick with myself...i hate that i can't really put down everything and settle it one by one...
family,friends,lover,myself...i'm not good enough...really feel bad...
can i just put down everythings and go to another place to take some fresh air...?
i need fresh air...............