i wish...

sometimes,you have to make a decision,
if that is what you want,then just go for it..
if not,what for still suffering over here ...?
i don't understand,is my fault i guess..
i wish...i have a big space of heart...
to understand,to take it,to accept,to forgive and LET GO...
how many times i shout it loud to myself,damn it,why i can't just LET IT BE N LET IT GO?!!
i used to care about it so much till i feel hurt in the end..
and yea,im not the most unlucky one in the world...
but why??why when i choose to believe it,then the bad feeling comes to me?
i thought this is not supposed to be like this?
im trying hard to take it and forget about it...
i thought i can.. but its make me feel suffering ..
and i didnt see anything,cant feel anything from there...
is it my fault?is it real that i really cant see and feel it?
am i not good enough?yea..im not,because i dont know how to pretend at all..
i dont know how to pretend like nothing happen,
i dont know how to pretend like im OKAY with everything,
i dont know how to pretend like im STRONG enough..
i dont know how to understand people's situation at all..
n yea im now facing my problem and again i THOUGHT ...
there is some help they offering by anyone,anywhere..
im just so stupid to thought that there is some miracle,
there is something that i can rely on..
i thought i can try to understand the whole thing..
but i cant,just because i cant see any effort over there..
i guess the problem is from me..
because the problem always is from me,because im thinking too much.
this is what i always heard,but what makes me think in that way?
can it be like try to think twice before put the judgement on me?


i wish...i really wish...
there is a machine for me to delete ALL the memories,
delete ALL the hell things that in my mind,
delete ALL ... i wish..
because i don't know how to move on anymore..
i hate the feeling now..
everyday .. almost everyday..
i wish that i can start it all over again..
i wish there is something for me..
i thought there is some help from there...
but i couldnt see it....
im not going to pretend anymore..
because i hate to pretend like im strong enough to face it...
all i wish is...give me back all the goods of everything..
if there is a chance for me,
i will choose to stop and go back to the past...
because i cant feel it anymore...


i wish........
there is nothing happen before...
at least...i wont have that bad feelings right now...
all i want is just.....
the old me n the old memories that are memorable..
i wish........i can be strong enough to let go everything...

but not the things that i treasured.........