我的爸爸

还记得以前小学的时候,老师总是要我们写作文,我的自愿,我的家人,我的老师,我的...
想一想,那已经是七年前的事了...以前只要拿起笔写作文,总是很容易就会把作文写好,而且作文里的人物或是每件事的情景都好像会被写得很完美的...
当自己渐渐长大了就开始觉得作文变得很难写了,因为所有的事情都已经不一样了...
开始发觉生活里的一切原来并不是那么的完美,生活里的人物并不是那么的完美...一切的事情都不再变的完美无瑕了...
我的爸爸..我常听家人或亲戚说在我小时候爸爸都蛮疼我的,也许我是家里唯一的小女儿吧,而且妈妈生了三个哥哥了才到我出世.人人常常都会问我在家里是不是家人最疼的那一个,我都说还好,因为真的是还好啊,没有特别觉得被疼或被宠的..
从小到大,爸爸给我的感觉是很善良,很好的,他总是乐于助人,虽然我们的家并没别人那么富有,可是爸爸总是乐善好施 ...
爸爸的年纪一年比一年老了,身体的健康都不错...可是却患上忧郁症 ,忧郁症听起来好想不怎么可怕,可是事实上它却是个蛮可怕的病...爸爸的忧郁症让全家人担心不已..而我更不知道该如何面对他,因为面对忧郁症的人是需要很大的耐性的,他常常说消极的话,甚至想死...我都几乎崩溃...幸亏还有朋友的鼓励与陪伴,不然第二个患上忧郁症的就是我了...
爸爸的忧郁症恢复的还蛮快.最近的他似乎没事了,可是他却变成另一个人似的...变得另人讨厌...我们都不想去理他了...
每一天听见妈妈的叹气声,听她诉苦...这一切我听了都觉得好心痛,因为妈妈是与爸爸最亲密的人可是如今的她也受不了爸爸的一切了...而我更是无能为力,因为连最有耐心的三哥也快受不了了...
爸爸变得难于相处...变得超级固执,不讲道理...这个爸爸根本就不是我的爸爸...我的爸爸并不是这样的...
我也变得不想跟他讲话了...我们一天的对话就是不超过五句...哎.....
妈妈的心更是难受,她比任何人都难过,虽然她的口里常在说爸爸的不是但是其实她的心是很担心也很在乎爸爸的一切的..
从小到大,我就出生于小康之家...家里从来都没有发生过暴风暴雨的事...可是近来却一直不断的有事似的...
我真的好希望一切很快的过去...晴天可以出现在家里吗...?

朋友

哎~~什么是朋友? 什么是真正的朋友?
朋友和真正的朋友会如何对待你?你有真正的朋友吗...?你又怎样对待他们?
我总是觉得自己不懂得如何好好的与朋友交心...也许我常常都在乎朋友的事情吧...总是为别人的事打抱不平似的,换句话谁说应该是鸡婆吧...哎~~我也不知道要讲什么好...只是...突然间对自己好失望...对我在乎的好朋友感到失望...
为什么???为什么总是我自己在一旁在乎?我在乎什么?既然别人都不在乎,也许我真的该学习看开点吧...
超级没有心情的~~~~~

disappointed

haizzzz...wat a day....drive away from wangsa maju till one utama,quite tired although not that far n..my minyak drop n drop till the second line,yesterday baru full tank,aikz..got abit sam tong..lol..but it's worth la,coz is my jimui birthday,we went to THE APARTMENT,quite expensive...but..nice place,nice food =) after that of coz we shop shop lor..the sad things happened,which is...
my MNG bag is GONE!!!no more ad!!!!!!!!!!Arrrgh!!!super duper keik sam u noe =( the 1st thing i did is i sms u,then call elaine ask her go see weather klcc got or not...haiz...i really feel bad,down...coz i ad plan to buy it...but now?gone~~at 1st,i though someone will buy for me then give me a surprise,but i guess...i really think too much ad~ nvm,2nd..i though..i can buy it then syiok sendiri..who knows...NO MORE ad!!haiz....the worse thing is...elaine said she dun have time to go klcc MNG...n u call me,u told me u not sure weather wan to buy or not coz u forgot the pattern ad...i really hope to get it,but...i dun wan to take risk,coz i scared is not the same...HAIZZZZZZZZZZZ...ARrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...y......no surprise,no bag!!!!!!!>.<
we walk here n there,only my shapo fren,hsia,she bought shoes la,pants la..me n szeyee apa pun tak ada =(
haiz...sad sad...hope can get something for myself as soon as possible before...christmas~ wuhoo =P
oh gosh...i keep cough n cough,when can i get well =( so tired of coughing when i talk,laugh,eat...before sleep oso coughing non stop,haiz...annoying betul =(

disappointed...disappointed...>>>>>>>.<<<<<<<
i should buy it when i saw it...
i should stop imagine about those stupid surprise...
i ........... really disappointed...
i also dunno y i will feel that disappointed just because of some little thing..but..the bag is juz..really the type tat i like,n is hard to find a bag like this....
haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!

累

最近都很忙...赶assignment都蛮累的,没办法啦..谁叫我最后一分钟才做...结果我破了纪录,竟然做到五点才睡,而且睡两个钟就要起身去上课了 =( 好累~~前晚又做到五点然后睡两个钟就起身...我到底怎么了?怎么我可以撑到那么夜?我没想到自己竟然可以那么厉害!哈哈...最近都没什么特别事发生...生活也过得还好吧...只是觉得时间真的过得太快了...考试就快到了!怎么办啊???哎...

前天...我驾着车,从学校除着去时,突然在想,好像很久都没遇到他了...之前常会在停车场看见他的车,不过最近都没有遇见他了...我也只是这样的想了一下,没想到出了校门不久,就遇见他了,他还走过来敲了我的车镜,吓到我一下因为我没想到会遇见他而且他还主动走前来打招呼...好久没有遇到这种情景了...好久没见到他的笑容出现在我面前...在回家的路途中,我又想起我们的过去...我知道我不该再想了,可是...每次遇见他就是会让我回想起过去...如今的他都过得很好,幸福快乐,我也替他感到高兴...而我也找到自己的幸福了...大家都找到自己的幸福了...也许下次的相遇会是一个完全没有带着我们的回忆的相遇吧...希望你真的幸福,好好对待你的女朋友...

回到自己的生活...最近的我们也没什么事情发生...
除了想你,就还是想你 =) 除了等待还是等待 =(
圣诞节快到了,好期待...可是也好想和你一起渡过,可是应该没有这个机会吧...>.< 新的一年快到了... 不知道我们在新的一年里会有什么事发生呢... 好期待新的一年的到来~~

疑问

今天早上和朋友吃早餐时,大家都在谈起彼此的另一半...因为在朋友当中的samm即将找到一个很好又可爱的男友了,我真的替她感到很开心,还记得当初她被一个男子伤害了到现在都没难友可是如今就不同啦,因为她遇见一个很好很可爱的男子,大家都替她感到开心,所以整个聊天的过程都是在讨论他们两的事...
当然偶尔还是提起我和你的事...提起你,就让我好想好想你...她们都说你很好,最重要的是比他好...
他们都问我们什么时候才要在一起?我们在这样下去会不会变淡?我们还在等什么?我是不是在等你开口?
而我都答说,时间还没到...其实我的内心真的开始害怕起来...当她们都说暧昧太久会使我们之间的感情变淡的时候,我的内心还真的突然怕了一下...我知道你曾经说过我们需要了解彼此才开始,可是现在的我们真的太像情侣了,如果我们一直这样下去都没正式成为情侣,那...我们要维持这种关系到及时啊...?如果一直这样下去直到很久后才在一起,那当我们一起时不就没那种开心甜蜜的感觉吗?因为大家都好像已经习惯了这种关系,只是表面上不是情侣而已..
有时真的觉得自己很矛盾,想停止我们现在的关系然后等到你真的开口要求我做你女朋友时才真正的有一段很好的关系..
可是我就是做不到...我常在想...你会在什么时候开口呢?你...会随随便便的发个信息给我,还是你会给我个惊喜然后我们真的可以在一起直到很久很久呢...?
你...是害怕我会伤害你所以你一直都在等,给大家时间吗?
我...是怕时间太久会让别人在你心中取代我的位置吗?
我们...如果开始了,会得到别人的祝福吗?
担心害怕矛盾犹豫~~
担心我们的未来,害怕再次的失去,矛盾现在的关系,犹豫我们的选择...

时间真的过得很快,不知不觉有三年了...你就这样等了三年...
我真的觉得自己很幸运,因为一个在等待着我又被我伤害过的男子到了现在还是一样一直在等...
好想亲口告诉你说...我真的喜欢上你了,所以我才那么的在意你的一切...
我相信当有那么的一天我告诉你我爱你的时候会是你和我手牵着手的那一天...
也许未来的一切都很模糊,我更是觉得害怕...
但是你总是告诉我别担心...因为你会陪伴着我...
你...真的会一直陪伴着我吗?我们真的可以等到那么的一天吗...?

i just realize

im so piss off now with my assignment and the midterm for 2molo...
i cant really have much idea for asignment,and i din touch the notes at all for 2molo midterm..wt?!!!!
n the worse thing is...i make u angry,usually im the one that angry u,n u never send me those msg b4 to show me that u really angry...i hate myself...
i just hope i can chat awhile with u that is out of the topic of studies...coz it's make me feel peik ceik now..but ur response is u told me that u wan sleep ad coz u tired n sleepy ad...i was like..im tired n sleepy too,but i cant sleep yet bcoz of my assign n midterm,i noe im padan muka coz din prepare it early of this week...but then...i oso tired of what i did recently,mom's leg injured n i need to do housework that mom will do everyday when i still SLEEPING...i need to sweep the floor,mop the floor,wash the clothes,do preparation b4 i cook dinner for my family..all these kind of things are sound easy but is tired for me...n i need to accompany mom,wait for her order to help her on this n that...n im worry about her leg,everyday wish to be home asap after my class end..i din really sleep at noon...i oso tired...i noe i cant blame u when u told me that u r sleepy n tired..juz...my prob about tat,mayb this is the diff btw me n u...diff world...diff lifestyle...n it's takes time for me to get used to it...
i feel like the tears is goin to drop from my eyes..when i saw the msg that u send me...my tears drop is because of my emo, the stress n tired on me...although after tat u explain to me tat u r not tat meaning,but then it's mean alot for me...i noe tat is not ur fault at all,i should't blame on u...u dun have to acc me every night..
u r right,we dun have to chat all at time,i guess...
i was too depend on u..
im sorry....
im tired....
im worry...
i feel unhappy..
i feel insecured..
i feel like crying..
i hate myself everytime i become like this,capriciousness.......
arrrrrrrghhhhhhhh....
why i always like this?!is that really my prob??or...i was asking too much from u....?
my expectation to u was too high?
h-a-t-e- i-t!!!!!!!!!!

- another day with you -

today was another special day because we can went out again=) watch madagascar,wuhoo!!funny!cute!happy!it was a great time because you are just beside me,it was so close...i treasure every moment that can be with you,because it's special,because i know that we can't always spend time with each other like today...
you really really makes me angry today when u ask me to wait for you going to fetch me;at first i already feel abit scared and worry that i will wrong take the KTM,but then i feel happy that i din take wrong KTM,n i feel angry is because when i told you where am i already,you can't even manage your time,i reach and keep waiting at that super hot station,wait like a soh poh,keep sweating...wait for almost half an hour!im seriously super duper angry!!!=( arrgh...i was like...how can u did that mistake,let a girl waiting is a bad thing u know?even though my friend also din really let me wait that long...i was piss off and disappointed...when i get into your car,i really feel like...dunwan to listen any words from you at all..no matter how hard u try to explain,i still angry..BECAUSE I HATE THE FEEL OF WAITING!!SOMEMORE IS SUPER CRAZY SUNNY DAY!!!ARRRGHHH!!!!

but still...i feel happy that you accompany me to find the doctor for my back and wait patiently together with me..then after that is lunch and movie time,the moment that really makes me forgive what you did...then we went to coffee bean,have a special time with you..which is...accompany you to do revision!lol..sound funny,but..i feel special and happy,because i can know what u are study about,and force you to study so that u wont be lazy =P after that,we stop at a place,which is the place that we saw the smiley moon =) when you asked me to have a look,i was like..wow..special wor..but then when i reach home,my ph start ringing,frens's msg or call to ask me look at the special moon,i was like..haha..you are the 1st person that realize about that moon=) for me,i feel like that moon a sign for us which is...everything will be fine ^.^

when we are on the way home...i feel like...we dun really have that much topic...dunno why..i think alot in my mind..i keep look at you when u are driving,coz i like to see ur serious face while driving..but what i think is..y i always dun feel like wanna talk much when i be with the one i like?i just feel like...im happy inside my heart but i dunno what to say,is like...i feel that as long as the one that i like is beside me,is already enough for me,then i will feel happy,n just wish to stay longer with you..but then..i feel tat,me,myself is some kind of weird,i mean...im not like other girls,they can keep talking with their bf or the one they like...i was thinking tat,will u feel disappointed to me?bcoz...im not tat kind of girl tat keep talking in front of u,make u happy or wat...haiz...i also dunno y i think that much....Arrghh...i suppose to be happy right now..but...why i keep think that much?????hate myself for being like this =(