today was a 'special' day..morning went for badminton with classmates,sweat alot,but still feel want to play again,because it can make me feel better...i can just play non stop without thinking anything...
after badminton,go for class,i though i will fall asleep in class but then i still can tahan =P after class,find hsia,i though just stay at her house for awhile,who knows we start chating at there,talk about our family problems..haiz...different family have the story behind...after that,i went to find misua,i feel like going to visit my friend one by one,haha..stay at her place chat for awhile,first time heard from misua's problem is because of BF,haha..hope she can handle the problem la...
recently,sunny day really can kill me,omg~~hot like hell!!!!when i switch on aircond,i will feel pity for mom,because the aircond in her room having problem,can't be use now...haiz..when look at dad,i feel
heart pain',he said hot,but the aircond cannot be use,then he keep sitting on the sofa there and keep fallasleep ans awake,sleep and awake...because he take the medicine again,the sleeping pill...mom keep ask him to stop taking the pill..but he still take it...after he take the medicine,he will become super sleepy and blur,but then he still don't want go to the room and sleep on bed =( why..why....dad will become like that...as a daughter,i really feel bad...nothing is impotant than dad's healthy...
i feel super stress,i don't like the lonely feel,every night the one who accompany most of the time is my computer,msn,blogging...i can't share my mood,problem with a person that are really willing to be with me...i can't take it anymore...i'm tired...i feel sick with myself,always not in mood,because i can't really be happy as usual...the problem keep appear in my mind...
he also have his own problem,i can't always disturb him...although i hope can share with him,but sometimes,he makes me feel like,he don't know how to give me advise or opinion,he just listen and listen to me only...but what i want actually is not only that...but still...i can't blame him...haiz...
what i want????what can i do????arrrrrrrRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!
please...show me the way~~i going to be crazy.....
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
what a day....
best friend in my life - sze yee
a part of the gang =P
hsia~my best friendjust now celcebrate da xiang birthday at cheras...quite happy although those food not that nice...
but still..had a great time with those crazy gang...spending time with them never feel bored =)
feel *lucky* to meet them,feel *happy* to be with them =)
yeah,reach home before 12,not bad ma...still early,and wont get scold oso..haha..
the most important is...someone din sleep early tonight,so i still manage to call n share my day with him=)
keep talking,although i guess...he ad feel sleepy or tired..haha..but i really wanna to share with him,because before going out to celebrate da xiang birthday,me and my brothers was having a...meeting..about our family problem...it's make me feel unhappy actually,spoil my mood...but then end up,we still find some solution,so...hope it is a good start for our family...
after share with him,makes me feel better oso,although the ph bil will be super gao...but...ad call,cant erase the caller record also wat..so...just wait the bil and pay it lor...haha
wow,tomorrow is 8am class,n the time for now is already 1am,he sleep like pig...but i don't feel wanna sleep at all,although i'm tired ad...
when i close my eyes,i will think about my brothers..just now,brother almost cry,this is the first time i saw brother like that,he really feel sad,i can feel it...so do i,but...i tell myself that i cant cry in front of them..i don't want to cry in front of them...i just hope all the problem will have a happy ending and we will together find the best way to settle it...
this is the guy ~jian hua =)
-you are more than enough for me-
although i know this is not the time that both of us start the relationship,
but we will wait together till that day we really can hold each other hand and walk in the love of Jesus =)
-you are more than enough for me-
although i know this is not the time that both of us start the relationship,
but we will wait together till that day we really can hold each other hand and walk in the love of Jesus =)
Sunday, October 26, 2008
沉默
一路上回来都得不想讲话,连收音机也不想听...整个人突然觉得很烦乱...只想保持沉默...
刚到家..看到爸爸还没睡,我的心担心的同时就觉得很烦...他不睡觉就是因为他想东西想到睡不着,想东西就是想钱,他想钱就让我觉得很烦因为一直都无能为力...结果我一句话都没说,吃了妈妈特地留给我的粥就上楼了...
进到房,就坐在电脑前等他信息,以为要打电话给他向他发泄一下可是他一个信息来就打消我这个念头了...
他说很累很累了,我直接回他叫他睡觉之类的,还以为他会发现到我有话想讲还是什么的,可是...他再次没察觉...
能怪他吗?不能...因为是自己的情绪化的问题,因为他不是我男朋友,因为他根本就没必要受我的气!!!
arRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~~~
原因是...我在一些事上没处理好,所以就被人点来点去...为什么有问题的时候,他们都觉得他们都没错,然后就会叫我怎样去帮他们解决???为什么我没资格直接告诉他们那是他们的错,为什么我不可以有反驳的机会??因为我没资格...
可是我也是人啊...我做的事情好想都不曾被肯定,他们总是在需要我的时候就叫我该这样那样做,当我把事情做好了,出了问题后就来叫我该怎样的去帮他们解决...
那我的感受呢?有人想过我的感受吗?也许我真的要学习如何拒绝别人吧,那我就不会那么难受...
当那种感受一直不断的出现在我心里时,真的好难受...回到家又有另一种感受,真是让我觉得透不过气来...
而当我以为他会发觉到我的需要时,原来他并没发觉...是非常失望又难受~
难道是我要求高?为什么总是要把事情说得明他才会知道我要的是什么...
也许这就应征了为什么我们还不是情侣,原因其实很简单,那就是我们根本不了解对方..我总是对他又要求,总是希望从他身上得到些我意想不到的东西,但是事情从不是我想象般那样...
难道真的是我的问题...?haiz...haiz...haiz...无奈~~烦~~乱~~
终于觉得累了...是时候睡觉吧,睡醒就会好受点了...
刚到家..看到爸爸还没睡,我的心担心的同时就觉得很烦...他不睡觉就是因为他想东西想到睡不着,想东西就是想钱,他想钱就让我觉得很烦因为一直都无能为力...结果我一句话都没说,吃了妈妈特地留给我的粥就上楼了...
进到房,就坐在电脑前等他信息,以为要打电话给他向他发泄一下可是他一个信息来就打消我这个念头了...
他说很累很累了,我直接回他叫他睡觉之类的,还以为他会发现到我有话想讲还是什么的,可是...他再次没察觉...
能怪他吗?不能...因为是自己的情绪化的问题,因为他不是我男朋友,因为他根本就没必要受我的气!!!
arRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~~~
原因是...我在一些事上没处理好,所以就被人点来点去...为什么有问题的时候,他们都觉得他们都没错,然后就会叫我怎样去帮他们解决???为什么我没资格直接告诉他们那是他们的错,为什么我不可以有反驳的机会??因为我没资格...
可是我也是人啊...我做的事情好想都不曾被肯定,他们总是在需要我的时候就叫我该这样那样做,当我把事情做好了,出了问题后就来叫我该怎样的去帮他们解决...
那我的感受呢?有人想过我的感受吗?也许我真的要学习如何拒绝别人吧,那我就不会那么难受...
当那种感受一直不断的出现在我心里时,真的好难受...回到家又有另一种感受,真是让我觉得透不过气来...
而当我以为他会发觉到我的需要时,原来他并没发觉...是非常失望又难受~
难道是我要求高?为什么总是要把事情说得明他才会知道我要的是什么...
也许这就应征了为什么我们还不是情侣,原因其实很简单,那就是我们根本不了解对方..我总是对他又要求,总是希望从他身上得到些我意想不到的东西,但是事情从不是我想象般那样...
难道真的是我的问题...?haiz...haiz...haiz...无奈~~烦~~乱~~
终于觉得累了...是时候睡觉吧,睡醒就会好受点了...
Saturday, October 25, 2008
-tired-
just now went to cell group,was in bad mood actually,but after sharing,i feel better ad...
i know how to face the problem...but then...cant share with him,coz...he was super tired ad...
haiz...normally,wont post 2nd blog in 1 day,but then...no one can let me express my feeling now...
the best way is...blog at here...
back from just now before cell group,i really feel down,moody...and though want to find elaine n mun ee to yamcha after that,but...during cell group,i found the way to face my problem,makes me feel better and want to go home early and rest...i reach home super early,bath,eat,drink,watch dvd...wait...and wait...fall asleep...awake..and..though want to share with him on phone,but then...he was too tired ad =(
my eyes feel like cant really open ad,but still want to blog before sleep..
this is what i get in cell group,i do feel better after get this bible verses,and the same thing go to you,just want to let you know,no matter what happen around you,just let it to God,because God always listen to our prayer and will show us the way...
mark 4:35-41
That day when evening came,he said to his disciples,"let us go over to the other side".leaving the crowd behind,they took him along,just as he was,in the boat.there were also other boats with him.a furious squall came up,and the waves broke over the boat,so that it was nearly swamped.Jesus was in the stern,sleeping on a cushion.the deciples woke him and said to him," teacher,don't you care if we drown?"
He got up,rebuked the wind and said to the waves,"quiet!be still!"then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his diciples,"why are you so afraid?do you still have no faith?"
They were terrified and asked each other,"who is this?even the wind and waves obey him!"
the reason i hope can be with you also because you always makes me back to God words...thanks....
i know how to face the problem...but then...cant share with him,coz...he was super tired ad...
haiz...normally,wont post 2nd blog in 1 day,but then...no one can let me express my feeling now...
the best way is...blog at here...
back from just now before cell group,i really feel down,moody...and though want to find elaine n mun ee to yamcha after that,but...during cell group,i found the way to face my problem,makes me feel better and want to go home early and rest...i reach home super early,bath,eat,drink,watch dvd...wait...and wait...fall asleep...awake..and..though want to share with him on phone,but then...he was too tired ad =(
my eyes feel like cant really open ad,but still want to blog before sleep..
this is what i get in cell group,i do feel better after get this bible verses,and the same thing go to you,just want to let you know,no matter what happen around you,just let it to God,because God always listen to our prayer and will show us the way...
mark 4:35-41
That day when evening came,he said to his disciples,"let us go over to the other side".leaving the crowd behind,they took him along,just as he was,in the boat.there were also other boats with him.a furious squall came up,and the waves broke over the boat,so that it was nearly swamped.Jesus was in the stern,sleeping on a cushion.the deciples woke him and said to him," teacher,don't you care if we drown?"
He got up,rebuked the wind and said to the waves,"quiet!be still!"then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his diciples,"why are you so afraid?do you still have no faith?"
They were terrified and asked each other,"who is this?even the wind and waves obey him!"
the reason i hope can be with you also because you always makes me back to God words...thanks....
Friday, October 24, 2008
为什么
为什么...为什么家里总是会有问题... =( 现在的心情真的很乱,等下还要去小组,我该怎么解决我的心情... =(
妈妈刚刚告诉我,爸爸最近都睡不着,她怕爸爸的忧郁症会再回来,我听了后突然傻了,都不知道要怎样反应...
妈妈说爸爸一直在自责,一直在想如果当初他没辞职,现在的他就不会有金钱上的问题...
我没有勇气去告诉爸爸别担心,别想那么多...我不知该怎么做...我不断的在想,我该做什么工,同时可以上课也不用放弃教会..
除了做工,我想不到更好的办法来解决现在的问题,我好久没跟妈妈拿钱,爸爸给的零用钱只够我换网费及电话钱...
我的户口要不是是表姨给我的钱,我是根本没办法生存到现在...打油及生活费都是自己在付...我该如何为此下去...
去到学校就想起妈妈说的一切关于读书的决定...回到家就想到家里的问题...
神啊...你可以把从前的快乐带回我家吗...可以让爸爸每晚安心的入睡吗...可以让妈妈不要再操心吗...
最后一次掉眼泪是因为想起不开心的过去...可是这一次的眼泪却是因为自己无能为力...我没办法帮家人解决问题...
aRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~~~~
h-e-l-p- m-e~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
妈妈刚刚告诉我,爸爸最近都睡不着,她怕爸爸的忧郁症会再回来,我听了后突然傻了,都不知道要怎样反应...
妈妈说爸爸一直在自责,一直在想如果当初他没辞职,现在的他就不会有金钱上的问题...
我没有勇气去告诉爸爸别担心,别想那么多...我不知该怎么做...我不断的在想,我该做什么工,同时可以上课也不用放弃教会..
除了做工,我想不到更好的办法来解决现在的问题,我好久没跟妈妈拿钱,爸爸给的零用钱只够我换网费及电话钱...
我的户口要不是是表姨给我的钱,我是根本没办法生存到现在...打油及生活费都是自己在付...我该如何为此下去...
去到学校就想起妈妈说的一切关于读书的决定...回到家就想到家里的问题...
神啊...你可以把从前的快乐带回我家吗...可以让爸爸每晚安心的入睡吗...可以让妈妈不要再操心吗...
最后一次掉眼泪是因为想起不开心的过去...可是这一次的眼泪却是因为自己无能为力...我没办法帮家人解决问题...
aRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~~~~
h-e-l-p- m-e~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday, October 23, 2008
hard to decide
we always need to made a decision,what we going to eat?what we goin to wear?and what should we do...too many decision that we need to think about it...
recently,my family financial problem seems like having problem again...
mom told me that dad ask me to think about weather going to kampar take degree or stop study after diploma.i was like...what?kampar??impossible..i rather stop study than going to study at kampar,a place that i dislike...but the reason dad ask me to made that decision is because he can't afford to pay me for taking advance and oversea,but if i really choose to take advance,i have to take oversea,so that i can get the certificate of degree.going to study oversea,will cost me alot...the only way is get the loan but then dad worry that my spendses at there,and he said my english is not that good,i may not communicate with people over there...again,money,language and result...
if my result can be as well as bro,i might get a scholarship at college,dad no need to worry about me too...dad is getting older,so do mom...i dunno what can i do to make things get better...
i cant always take part time job,it will influence my study,and church...if i really work,i cant go church that often..is hard for me to decide...
why?why everytime i need to made a decision that i hate to think about it...
i'm tired...tired with everything that i need to face,tired with everything that i heard from people...i hope i can solve all the problem,but i know i cant make it...
everyday when dad back from work,his face expression can show that he was unhappy,he don't have money anymore...and the next day,mom will tell me all about dad's problem...and i just listen and listen,then i go for class with all the problem that mom told me..i feel bad,but then when i reach college,there is no one that can really share with me,some of that also having their own problem,some of that don't have that mood to talk about this kind of things...
me,myself...also don't know who can i find to share with me...the time when i feel want to share with my best friend,she looks like argue with bf or dating with bf...or busy with her own thing..haiz...well,that is my problem,can't blame anyone...
are you willing to borrow me your shoulder?can i rest in your arm?can i share with you?
sometimes,i don't want to talk about my problem is because i know there is no one can help me,so i choose to be silent,but...it's make me feel tired...i feel want to shout to the sea...shout as loud as i can..
ARRrrrrrrRRRRrrrrrr~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
as a best friend,when i'm sharing the happiness,my result which is all pass with her,but she din show me that she also feel happy with me when i get the all pass result,she keep complain to me that she get the result that out of her expected...haiz...sad sad sad...
now my best friend is getting busy and busy,i don't know how to talk more with her...
well,the fact is i need to accept everything,no matter what happen,she still my best friend,no one can replace her as my best friend in my heart =)
nvm,is ok,coz i still got Jesus that always listen to me,the moment i get my result,i feel thankful because god really bless me with the result =)
talk about him...erm,he looks like having problem with friends,but he din tell me what happen yet,i just hope that the problem is not from the girl that likes him...hope they can keep the friendship as well as they can...wow,my eyes was tired,but i cant fall as sleep...feel...like...sleepy but then when i close my eyes,everything comes out in the same time...haiz~~~~
later still need to lead prayer at church,dear load,please give me the power...
Dear Lord,i really pray that the problem in my family can be solve,i pray that mom and dad will always be happy and healthy,they are getting older,please bless them with a healthy body..i pray that you will show me the way about my studies...i really don't know how to made decision..
in jesus name i pray,Amen...
recently,my family financial problem seems like having problem again...
mom told me that dad ask me to think about weather going to kampar take degree or stop study after diploma.i was like...what?kampar??impossible..i rather stop study than going to study at kampar,a place that i dislike...but the reason dad ask me to made that decision is because he can't afford to pay me for taking advance and oversea,but if i really choose to take advance,i have to take oversea,so that i can get the certificate of degree.going to study oversea,will cost me alot...the only way is get the loan but then dad worry that my spendses at there,and he said my english is not that good,i may not communicate with people over there...again,money,language and result...
if my result can be as well as bro,i might get a scholarship at college,dad no need to worry about me too...dad is getting older,so do mom...i dunno what can i do to make things get better...
i cant always take part time job,it will influence my study,and church...if i really work,i cant go church that often..is hard for me to decide...
why?why everytime i need to made a decision that i hate to think about it...
i'm tired...tired with everything that i need to face,tired with everything that i heard from people...i hope i can solve all the problem,but i know i cant make it...
everyday when dad back from work,his face expression can show that he was unhappy,he don't have money anymore...and the next day,mom will tell me all about dad's problem...and i just listen and listen,then i go for class with all the problem that mom told me..i feel bad,but then when i reach college,there is no one that can really share with me,some of that also having their own problem,some of that don't have that mood to talk about this kind of things...
me,myself...also don't know who can i find to share with me...the time when i feel want to share with my best friend,she looks like argue with bf or dating with bf...or busy with her own thing..haiz...well,that is my problem,can't blame anyone...
are you willing to borrow me your shoulder?can i rest in your arm?can i share with you?
sometimes,i don't want to talk about my problem is because i know there is no one can help me,so i choose to be silent,but...it's make me feel tired...i feel want to shout to the sea...shout as loud as i can..
ARRrrrrrrRRRRrrrrrr~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
as a best friend,when i'm sharing the happiness,my result which is all pass with her,but she din show me that she also feel happy with me when i get the all pass result,she keep complain to me that she get the result that out of her expected...haiz...sad sad sad...
now my best friend is getting busy and busy,i don't know how to talk more with her...
well,the fact is i need to accept everything,no matter what happen,she still my best friend,no one can replace her as my best friend in my heart =)
nvm,is ok,coz i still got Jesus that always listen to me,the moment i get my result,i feel thankful because god really bless me with the result =)
talk about him...erm,he looks like having problem with friends,but he din tell me what happen yet,i just hope that the problem is not from the girl that likes him...hope they can keep the friendship as well as they can...wow,my eyes was tired,but i cant fall as sleep...feel...like...sleepy but then when i close my eyes,everything comes out in the same time...haiz~~~~
later still need to lead prayer at church,dear load,please give me the power...
Dear Lord,i really pray that the problem in my family can be solve,i pray that mom and dad will always be happy and healthy,they are getting older,please bless them with a healthy body..i pray that you will show me the way about my studies...i really don't know how to made decision..
in jesus name i pray,Amen...
决定
外面在下雨...我的心情虽然没有不开心,但就是无奈 =(
昨晚,他看了我的blog,我选择让他看是因为我不想对他又任何隐瞒..他看了后当然会不开心,而我也怕他会因此不再理我..
结果他还是给了个信息我,我不知道该说什么,就是不断道歉...他希望我不会再伤害他,我告诉他我不会...
可是想了又想,我再次答应他不再伤害他可是如果有一天我又再伤害他呢?如果有一天受伤害的是我呢?我是不该答应他吗?
晚上哥哥回来了,我跟他分享那天我去参加他的concert,还有见他的朋友,哥哥一直在笑我,他说为什么一个好的男子出现在我眼前而我还不珍惜,他问我为什么不选择和他一起,我告诉他,我们还不能在一起,我说我真的会珍惜他,可是问题是,他总是要我把事情说得很明,他才知道原来我要的是什么,原来他该做的是什么...那在一些时候我想要的惊喜也没错阿....哎~~
但是哥哥又说,人是没有完美的所以我要接受他的一切,再慢慢的了解他,改变他...想了一下,哥哥说得也没错阿...
哥哥说我自己也很矛盾但是他却一直说这个男子听起来还蛮不错,叫我不别乱想,叫我做个决定...
决定?我很害怕做决定...结果昨晚我睡不着,我一直在想...结果我告诉自己要坚定自己的想法,所以做了个决定...
我选择等待...我知道等待真的是件不容易的事,可是既然他可以,我也可以啊...好吧,决定了,不再乱想了...
决定是做了...我很想拿起电话找他,可是他在学校,我想还是不要打扰他吧,但就是很想发个信息给他,问下他在做什么,其实发个信息并不难,我只怕他觉得我烦,毕竟我不是他女友...而且他也不曾在上课时发信息给我,不过...如果一个人是喜欢我,他不是该关心我的吗?就好像...下大雨时会叫我小心驾车还有之类的...我好希望他会经常提醒我的,让我觉得他是在乎我,可是...也许我上害过他吧,他已经害怕他所做的一切是会被我拒绝...哎~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
我总是这样的,别人对我好时,我就拒绝,当他已不再像以前那样对我时,我又埋怨 >.<
雨停了...不知他在哪里呢...现在的心情是.......肚子饿了~~~吃饭吧!!!呵呵..现在只有饭能满足我 =)
昨晚,他看了我的blog,我选择让他看是因为我不想对他又任何隐瞒..他看了后当然会不开心,而我也怕他会因此不再理我..
结果他还是给了个信息我,我不知道该说什么,就是不断道歉...他希望我不会再伤害他,我告诉他我不会...
可是想了又想,我再次答应他不再伤害他可是如果有一天我又再伤害他呢?如果有一天受伤害的是我呢?我是不该答应他吗?
晚上哥哥回来了,我跟他分享那天我去参加他的concert,还有见他的朋友,哥哥一直在笑我,他说为什么一个好的男子出现在我眼前而我还不珍惜,他问我为什么不选择和他一起,我告诉他,我们还不能在一起,我说我真的会珍惜他,可是问题是,他总是要我把事情说得很明,他才知道原来我要的是什么,原来他该做的是什么...那在一些时候我想要的惊喜也没错阿....哎~~
但是哥哥又说,人是没有完美的所以我要接受他的一切,再慢慢的了解他,改变他...想了一下,哥哥说得也没错阿...
哥哥说我自己也很矛盾但是他却一直说这个男子听起来还蛮不错,叫我不别乱想,叫我做个决定...
决定?我很害怕做决定...结果昨晚我睡不着,我一直在想...结果我告诉自己要坚定自己的想法,所以做了个决定...
我选择等待...我知道等待真的是件不容易的事,可是既然他可以,我也可以啊...好吧,决定了,不再乱想了...
决定是做了...我很想拿起电话找他,可是他在学校,我想还是不要打扰他吧,但就是很想发个信息给他,问下他在做什么,其实发个信息并不难,我只怕他觉得我烦,毕竟我不是他女友...而且他也不曾在上课时发信息给我,不过...如果一个人是喜欢我,他不是该关心我的吗?就好像...下大雨时会叫我小心驾车还有之类的...我好希望他会经常提醒我的,让我觉得他是在乎我,可是...也许我上害过他吧,他已经害怕他所做的一切是会被我拒绝...哎~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
我总是这样的,别人对我好时,我就拒绝,当他已不再像以前那样对我时,我又埋怨 >.<
雨停了...不知他在哪里呢...现在的心情是.......肚子饿了~~~吃饭吧!!!呵呵..现在只有饭能满足我 =)
Monday, October 20, 2008
haizzzzz
为什么每当我想要做的新的开始时问题就会发生呢?
刚在他告诉我说原来那天带我与他朋友见面时,他的朋友当中真的是另一个女子是喜欢他的,而其实当晚我已察觉到了,那个女子一整晚都不曾跟我说话也不曾多看我一眼就一副不开心的样子,起初我还以为她不舒服原来她是因为我的出现而不开心.
我也不知该给什么反应,只是心里就有种担心,不舒服的感觉,可是我也不能做什么啊,我不知道那个女子是否比我好,但她
的才华已经比我好了...样子也比我年轻吧,因为...我竟然被他朋友说我很成熟到好像比他大!!OMG!!我超难受的...
可是也是时候去换个发型了,希望会年轻点吧...呵呵!!
虽然他不断的告诉我他喜欢的是我,叫我别乱想,可是我还是忐忑不安的...我知道我们还不是情侣,我没资格阻止他做的选择..
可是想了又想,如果他有一天真的喜欢上她我也没资格生气他啊,毕竟自己曾经也这样伤害过他...
哎..还是睡觉好点吧,明天要到尊孔去做我的第一次教导,虽然没钱,但却好期待...人生中的第一次..我来啦~~~哈哈!!
我告诉自己不能再伤害你,我一定做得到的!!!!
i say it,and i mean it =)
刚在他告诉我说原来那天带我与他朋友见面时,他的朋友当中真的是另一个女子是喜欢他的,而其实当晚我已察觉到了,那个女子一整晚都不曾跟我说话也不曾多看我一眼就一副不开心的样子,起初我还以为她不舒服原来她是因为我的出现而不开心.
我也不知该给什么反应,只是心里就有种担心,不舒服的感觉,可是我也不能做什么啊,我不知道那个女子是否比我好,但她
的才华已经比我好了...样子也比我年轻吧,因为...我竟然被他朋友说我很成熟到好像比他大!!OMG!!我超难受的...
可是也是时候去换个发型了,希望会年轻点吧...呵呵!!
虽然他不断的告诉我他喜欢的是我,叫我别乱想,可是我还是忐忑不安的...我知道我们还不是情侣,我没资格阻止他做的选择..
可是想了又想,如果他有一天真的喜欢上她我也没资格生气他啊,毕竟自己曾经也这样伤害过他...
哎..还是睡觉好点吧,明天要到尊孔去做我的第一次教导,虽然没钱,但却好期待...人生中的第一次..我来啦~~~哈哈!!
我告诉自己不能再伤害你,我一定做得到的!!!!
i say it,and i mean it =)
Sunday, October 19, 2008
新的开始
最近的我好像变了,变得好像完全不爱你了,也许是因为另一个他的出现吧,他对我的好真的让我不想伤害他...
他一直都在等我,不管我伤害了他,他还是在等,在不断的改变自己好让他能够达到我的要求,我承认我真的又被他感动..
那天,他再次的问我是否能够作他女朋友,我没答应他因为我还没完全的把你忘掉,我不能允许自己在伤害他...
他告诉我,他会再继续等,其中一个原因当然还是因为他家人及教会的人一定不会赞成我们在这个时候在一起,另一个原因是他要等我把你忘掉了才正式追求我...
如果我现在答应他,也就是在给彼此承诺,将来有一天我们一定会和对方在一起,其实我还蛮害怕答应他,因为我知道我的心很容易动摇,我不想同样的事情再发生而我又伤害了他...我只祷告,若他真的是适合我的,就让我们在适当的时候开始吧...
他并不比任何人差,他长得不错,也有才华,唯独是身材不够好吧,呵呵...
他的可爱总是让我觉得好窝心,他的表达能力真的让我又哭有笑,他总是在等我,等我回家,等我回复他的信息...
以前我总觉得他烦,可是当我经历了一些事后,我却觉得他的烦其实并不烦,而是他是出至于真心的对我...
曾经我们真的很喜欢对方,可是又是因为我的缘故,我放弃了他,我告诉他我不想等了,因为等待的过程好痛苦,面对着自己喜欢的人却不能在一起,我好难受,可是他一次又一次的让我看见他真的是在等我...我真的觉得内疚又感动...
那天,他邀请我到他学校观赏他的演出,我挣扎了很久结果我答应了...我挣扎是因为我怕,因为他说要把朋友介绍给我认识,他的朋友当中都知道了他喜欢我的事结果每个都叫他把我带去,结果就搞到好像他带女朋友去一样...幸亏他的朋友比我想象中好,友善,结果就这样和他朋友一起渡过了一个晚上.那晚也是他送我回家,好久好久没被他送回家了,那晚我也莫名其妙的开心起来,也许这样的开始也没什么不好的吧...
贝儿啊贝儿,珍惜眼前的一切吧,是时候完完全全的把你放下了!当然还是需要时间,需要时间把自己处理好吧 =)
他一直都在等我,不管我伤害了他,他还是在等,在不断的改变自己好让他能够达到我的要求,我承认我真的又被他感动..
那天,他再次的问我是否能够作他女朋友,我没答应他因为我还没完全的把你忘掉,我不能允许自己在伤害他...
他告诉我,他会再继续等,其中一个原因当然还是因为他家人及教会的人一定不会赞成我们在这个时候在一起,另一个原因是他要等我把你忘掉了才正式追求我...
如果我现在答应他,也就是在给彼此承诺,将来有一天我们一定会和对方在一起,其实我还蛮害怕答应他,因为我知道我的心很容易动摇,我不想同样的事情再发生而我又伤害了他...我只祷告,若他真的是适合我的,就让我们在适当的时候开始吧...
他并不比任何人差,他长得不错,也有才华,唯独是身材不够好吧,呵呵...
他的可爱总是让我觉得好窝心,他的表达能力真的让我又哭有笑,他总是在等我,等我回家,等我回复他的信息...
以前我总觉得他烦,可是当我经历了一些事后,我却觉得他的烦其实并不烦,而是他是出至于真心的对我...
曾经我们真的很喜欢对方,可是又是因为我的缘故,我放弃了他,我告诉他我不想等了,因为等待的过程好痛苦,面对着自己喜欢的人却不能在一起,我好难受,可是他一次又一次的让我看见他真的是在等我...我真的觉得内疚又感动...
那天,他邀请我到他学校观赏他的演出,我挣扎了很久结果我答应了...我挣扎是因为我怕,因为他说要把朋友介绍给我认识,他的朋友当中都知道了他喜欢我的事结果每个都叫他把我带去,结果就搞到好像他带女朋友去一样...幸亏他的朋友比我想象中好,友善,结果就这样和他朋友一起渡过了一个晚上.那晚也是他送我回家,好久好久没被他送回家了,那晚我也莫名其妙的开心起来,也许这样的开始也没什么不好的吧...
贝儿啊贝儿,珍惜眼前的一切吧,是时候完完全全的把你放下了!当然还是需要时间,需要时间把自己处理好吧 =)
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
confuse
when people mention about you,i really dunno what should i feel...
i dunno how to face it,i dunno how to accept that u really really not belong to me anymore...
honestly,i still waiting that someday u wil come back to me,i know this kind of thinking is super silly...
but i really cant control myself,i do love u,but u was hurting me...and i still dunno how to let you go...
everytime when i pass by some place that we use to went there before,every word that you told me before,every friend that you meet before,i really really miss you...really miss you...
but the truth is you r not belong to me anymore...but please allow me to being that silly...i just hope to get the chance to be ur friend again,i know you dunwan to give me that chance,you wan me to forget aboout you,but i really feel hard to make it...i though i can fall in love to another guy,but i keep think about you...i...miss...you...
sometimes i really feel angry about you because what you told me before is just a lie...
u said that i still can sms you,find you as usual,but then...u never give me that chance to do so...
why?why?why you want to hurt me in that way?do you know i really get hurt...
2 weeks relationship really means nothing to you,but it was so meaningful to me...
i will never never forget the moment that we spend together,no one can replace you for now...people ask me why i love you that much?you are not good enough,not handsome,not really a good guy,but for me,you are good enough,you are a sweet guy...i love you,and i never feel regret...
but i really feel bad everytime when i think about you,i dunno who should i find to express my feeling,because no one want to listen about you anymore,i know they want me to forget about you that's why they dun wan to let me talk more about you...but what i need is...a pair of ears,a shoulder that let me cry on it...
i really feel bad everytime when i see friends around me are busy to think about how to celebrate their annivesary or birthday,it makes me think about you,and i cant speak it out...
i hate myself because i'm not strong enough,i hate myself to being that silly...
i even hate myself why i cant be that well as her...if i'm not that bad,maybe you will stil be with me...
if i'm not a christian,will you still choose to be with me?do you really choose to let me go just because i am a christian?do you really like me?do you really care about me?i hope the answer is yes...
everyday,every moment,i hope that i can meet you at somewhere else,but i never meet you...
i hope that i can see you in my dream,but it never happen...
i hope i can received a msg that is from you,but you never msg me...
i hope i can say hi to you and have more talk with you,but you just give me that chance to say hi...
i hope i can delete all the msg that you send me,delete all the memories that you gave me,but i cant...
i feel tired...really tired...can you feel me?will you...?
i dunno how to face it,i dunno how to accept that u really really not belong to me anymore...
honestly,i still waiting that someday u wil come back to me,i know this kind of thinking is super silly...
but i really cant control myself,i do love u,but u was hurting me...and i still dunno how to let you go...
everytime when i pass by some place that we use to went there before,every word that you told me before,every friend that you meet before,i really really miss you...really miss you...
but the truth is you r not belong to me anymore...but please allow me to being that silly...i just hope to get the chance to be ur friend again,i know you dunwan to give me that chance,you wan me to forget aboout you,but i really feel hard to make it...i though i can fall in love to another guy,but i keep think about you...i...miss...you...
sometimes i really feel angry about you because what you told me before is just a lie...
u said that i still can sms you,find you as usual,but then...u never give me that chance to do so...
why?why?why you want to hurt me in that way?do you know i really get hurt...
2 weeks relationship really means nothing to you,but it was so meaningful to me...
i will never never forget the moment that we spend together,no one can replace you for now...people ask me why i love you that much?you are not good enough,not handsome,not really a good guy,but for me,you are good enough,you are a sweet guy...i love you,and i never feel regret...
but i really feel bad everytime when i think about you,i dunno who should i find to express my feeling,because no one want to listen about you anymore,i know they want me to forget about you that's why they dun wan to let me talk more about you...but what i need is...a pair of ears,a shoulder that let me cry on it...
i really feel bad everytime when i see friends around me are busy to think about how to celebrate their annivesary or birthday,it makes me think about you,and i cant speak it out...
i hate myself because i'm not strong enough,i hate myself to being that silly...
i even hate myself why i cant be that well as her...if i'm not that bad,maybe you will stil be with me...
if i'm not a christian,will you still choose to be with me?do you really choose to let me go just because i am a christian?do you really like me?do you really care about me?i hope the answer is yes...
everyday,every moment,i hope that i can meet you at somewhere else,but i never meet you...
i hope that i can see you in my dream,but it never happen...
i hope i can received a msg that is from you,but you never msg me...
i hope i can say hi to you and have more talk with you,but you just give me that chance to say hi...
i hope i can delete all the msg that you send me,delete all the memories that you gave me,but i cant...
i feel tired...really tired...can you feel me?will you...?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
