phew~~just back from his concert "concerto concert festival", he was playing well tonight =)
1st time i saw him play electric guitar in a concert,somemore is sitting with his family..lol..feel abit...weird..haha..coz im not his gf but then sitting with his family..but overall still okla,coz his parents talk with me sometimes,so...still ok =)
when watching him play on the stage,i really feel happy and proud of him...
my bro keep asking me izzit together with him ad or not,my answer is "of coz not la,we r still fren" but in my mind was....erm...we are friend?or...we looks like friend only?alah~~confuse oso...bro also complain that he feel confuse about me and him also...lol...but the fact is..we really not a couple yet...haha...
what i feel now is...im happy because i feel like im taking another step to get into ur world, know friends around u..know how well are u with ur talent...
i just hope everything will getting smooth,getting well....
is time to bed~tired ad~but still feel happy =)
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
保持距离??
刚刚妈妈突然问我"你和他有一起出过去吗? "我呆了一下,因为我觉得很惊讶她竟然这样问我,当然我告诉她说我们有一起出去过,可是只是纯粹的出去因为我们可以更了解对方,结果妈妈又突然一句"你应该和他保持距离,免得以后你有更好的选择的时候不会不知道该如何拒绝他" 我吓到一下,我告诉我没有想到那么遥远,我只想了解你...我知道妈妈的意思,她是觉得我以后出来社会了可能会遇到更好的选择所以希望我们现在不会太熟悉...我告诉她"你也不能这样想啊,也许很多选择的是他呢?" 我的心也不禁的想了一下我说出的这句话,你....也许真的会有更多的选择呢?我真的不可以和你太要好吗?我的心突然觉得很乱,妈妈这样一说一定是她开始在想什么的,那我们以后要出去,她会反对吗?她会不高兴吗?我不敢问也不敢想...我真的不想和你有什么所谓的保持距离...真的不想...虽然我和你都不知道我们在未来会变得怎样,可是我真的不想去顾虑那么多,我只想现在的我们真的能够好好的维持这段关系直到我们认为真的是时候开始的时候才决定在一起...经过上一段感情的伤害,我真的不想再做错选择了...受伤的感觉真的很难受,等待康复的过程更是痛苦...可是你却一直在一旁守候着我...虽然对其他人来说,你所做的根本算不了什么,为什么我会被你感动,可是...这次的我清楚知道你才是那个真心对我好,会试着保护我的...
我...喜欢你...可是我却不知道该如何去面对一切的问题...我开始觉得很乱...
我...不想失去你,也不想自己因为这样而变得失去自我...
我...很想和你在一起...我知道你一定会告诉我说你要我对自己,对你有信心,我真的在努力着...因为我不想你对我失望,更不想连朋友也对我失望...
我...做的决定是对的吗?
你...真的想和我在一起吗...?
我...喜欢你...可是我却不知道该如何去面对一切的问题...我开始觉得很乱...
我...不想失去你,也不想自己因为这样而变得失去自我...
我...很想和你在一起...我知道你一定会告诉我说你要我对自己,对你有信心,我真的在努力着...因为我不想你对我失望,更不想连朋友也对我失望...
我...做的决定是对的吗?
你...真的想和我在一起吗...?
好的开始
终于...我有勇气把我们的事情告诉妈妈了,我也不知道哪里来的勇气,就走到妈妈的床边把你介绍了给她,呵呵..结果妈妈还真的没有反对,也没有很赞成,就比我想象中好很多,妈妈还说你斯文,竟然叫我减肥!!!就因为你不够"大只"...不过还好了,至少妈妈知道了,那我也不用骗她了...其实我选择告诉妈妈也是因为你已经把我们的事告诉你妈妈了,所以我觉得我也告诉妈妈会公平点,大家也会开心点,因为不需偷偷摸摸了 =) 可是...我们还是没开始,虽然我很想开始这一段感情,不过,也许真的还不是时候吧,而你也没想要在现在开始,所以我就不想那么多了...
我总是想很多...我真的想很多...为什么会这样的?朋友都在担心我会步入爸爸的后尘,哎~~可是...我就是会顾虑很多,也许是没有主见,也没安全感吧...总是想,总是在担心的,也许也是我的性格和缺点吧,我也不知道要怎么改... 最近的我们都好像很好似的,我觉得自己真的还蛮幸运的,因为遇见了你,一个常让我欺负,发泄的人,虽然你还是有一些时候让我又气又笑,可是喜欢一个人就是要接受他的一切,而且你一直都很迁就我,一直都在改变自己好让自己真的有些进步,我觉得感动也想让你知道,你真的很好,好得让我觉得自己好惭愧似的,因为你一直都在迁就我,我好像变的蛮不讲理了>.<
好的开始就是得到父母的同意及祝福,虽然我们还不是情侣可是我相信我们都可以等到那一天的来临的=)
不知不觉已经很夜了,是时候睡觉了~
Sunday, November 23, 2008
exhausted
wow....yesterday was the 1srt day i work at jewelry event with hongkong people..wow...feel...special?haha,coz 1st time talk with those hongkong ppl,they looks friendly,nice,but sometimes cant't get what they mean because of the cantonese that they using is got abit different with us...but...still ok with 1st day..just...sometimes i still very nervous then forget what should i do during working time >.<
but yesterday was a exhausted day for me although the job din make me tired,but bcoz i need to rush back from work which is klcc to home,then go church as fast as i can...wow...lrt,driving...n driving...now i really started to feel that driving really can kill me,bcoz it was so tired,everytime when change the gear,oh gosh...my leg wan patah ad,n i was so so so tired,sleepy!!!i really can fallasleep while driving,feel like...going back to home is a long journey...LOL...somemore the make up put on my face from morning till night OMG!!!!hate it!!makes my eyes tired,feel like wanna sleep,at night still need to sing at church n face those little monkey at the sunday school class..E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D~~~~~
i miss that time when you fetch me...bcoz i dun have to drive =P
well,is time to work again...klcc,here i come~~~~~~~hope everything be fine in work!
but yesterday was a exhausted day for me although the job din make me tired,but bcoz i need to rush back from work which is klcc to home,then go church as fast as i can...wow...lrt,driving...n driving...now i really started to feel that driving really can kill me,bcoz it was so tired,everytime when change the gear,oh gosh...my leg wan patah ad,n i was so so so tired,sleepy!!!i really can fallasleep while driving,feel like...going back to home is a long journey...LOL...somemore the make up put on my face from morning till night OMG!!!!hate it!!makes my eyes tired,feel like wanna sleep,at night still need to sing at church n face those little monkey at the sunday school class..E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D~~~~~
i miss that time when you fetch me...bcoz i dun have to drive =P
well,is time to work again...klcc,here i come~~~~~~~hope everything be fine in work!
Friday, November 21, 2008
无助
今天的我原本还怎么的,因为一切东西都还蛮顺利的...
直到...我回到家踏进门口的那一步开始,我真的觉得无奈即无助...因为爸爸拿那副很忧愁的样子又出现了...我原本以为他刚睡醒,可是原来不是,听妈妈说他今天又不太好了,妈妈说也许是因为三哥不在的关系,因为爸爸平时都是很喜欢三哥在家的,也比较疼他,而且三哥经常开导他..三哥星期日才回来,如果爸爸一直这样下去真的不是办法...神啊,为什么爸爸会这样...?你可以把他的痛都带走吗?求求你......
刚刚爸爸突然又告诉我说,他活在这个世界上已经没意思了...我真的很想把他骂醒,可是我知道我不可以这样做,因为这只会让他更难过,可是...我真的不知道要怎样才能使他不去想,鼓励的话说了又说,对他百般迁就,到底还要做什么才能减轻他的痛苦...我不知道,更不知道该说什么..........
我也好难受,我也觉得压力,连朋友都说我快变成我爸爸那样了...我真的不想变成他那样,我已经尽量不让自己想,那么忧愁,可是当我回到家时,那种无形的压力真的让我觉得好无助,我告诉自己要让爸爸看见我开心的一面,所以我都尽量讲话,好像平时一样...妈妈需要人诉苦,我听她诉苦,可是我也无能为力...我自己也想有人真的可以陪伴我度过这一切,也想有人听我诉苦...我也有自己的问题,自己的想法...
在学校,我都尽量在配合朋友们的话题,我不想他们觉得我情绪化,有时当我想到家里的问题的时候就不想说话,可是又怕他们误会了我...有时觉得很烦,脾气就不太好,可是又不能发泄在他们身上...有时乱讲话,乱笑一场好让自己开心一点...可是这一切还是改变不了一个事实,那就是我还是需要面对现实...
在家,我不知道该怎么让爸爸开心起来,除了陪他讲话,看电视,我就不知道该怎么办...我常在房间里面,又怕他已为我不想看到他所以一直躲在房...可是面对着一脸犹豫,沉重的爸爸让我好心痛,好想哭...
啊~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
直到...我回到家踏进门口的那一步开始,我真的觉得无奈即无助...因为爸爸拿那副很忧愁的样子又出现了...我原本以为他刚睡醒,可是原来不是,听妈妈说他今天又不太好了,妈妈说也许是因为三哥不在的关系,因为爸爸平时都是很喜欢三哥在家的,也比较疼他,而且三哥经常开导他..三哥星期日才回来,如果爸爸一直这样下去真的不是办法...神啊,为什么爸爸会这样...?你可以把他的痛都带走吗?求求你......
刚刚爸爸突然又告诉我说,他活在这个世界上已经没意思了...我真的很想把他骂醒,可是我知道我不可以这样做,因为这只会让他更难过,可是...我真的不知道要怎样才能使他不去想,鼓励的话说了又说,对他百般迁就,到底还要做什么才能减轻他的痛苦...我不知道,更不知道该说什么..........
我也好难受,我也觉得压力,连朋友都说我快变成我爸爸那样了...我真的不想变成他那样,我已经尽量不让自己想,那么忧愁,可是当我回到家时,那种无形的压力真的让我觉得好无助,我告诉自己要让爸爸看见我开心的一面,所以我都尽量讲话,好像平时一样...妈妈需要人诉苦,我听她诉苦,可是我也无能为力...我自己也想有人真的可以陪伴我度过这一切,也想有人听我诉苦...我也有自己的问题,自己的想法...
在学校,我都尽量在配合朋友们的话题,我不想他们觉得我情绪化,有时当我想到家里的问题的时候就不想说话,可是又怕他们误会了我...有时觉得很烦,脾气就不太好,可是又不能发泄在他们身上...有时乱讲话,乱笑一场好让自己开心一点...可是这一切还是改变不了一个事实,那就是我还是需要面对现实...
在家,我不知道该怎么让爸爸开心起来,除了陪他讲话,看电视,我就不知道该怎么办...我常在房间里面,又怕他已为我不想看到他所以一直躲在房...可是面对着一脸犹豫,沉重的爸爸让我好心痛,好想哭...
啊~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
lucky
raining...raining again and again...my mood is changing again and again...what a day~~it's a rainy day!
tomorrow is another midterm,omg..i had finish read the notes,but then still need to memorize >.<
well,the pig...as usual,already in dream...haiz...tonight will be a lonely night,the raindrop is accompany me tonight,feel cool,like to listen to the sound of raindrop...i always feel like the sky will rain because its know my mood now,when i feel moody,the rainy day will came to accompany me..lol...
dad don't want to work for coming weeks,he said he need to rest,he can't concentrate in work.although i'm support the decison that he made,but then i still hope that he can go back to work,not only because of money,but is for himself,he always stay at home when he don't want to work..it just make the situation getting worses...i really worry about him,he told mom that he want to die,he feel suffer to live in this world...i was like...what??why dad will think in that way?i know he really feel suffer,lost,don't know what to do,but...he can't take in that way...it's really make us feel feel worry...i don't know how long that dad's needs for fully recover from now,i don't know what will happen on next...i just know that i need to be strong,but then...it's hard...
just now brother said that the best way to makes dad feel better is selling his car and my sunny zai,then we can change to another type of car that wont cost us too much in petrol fees,at first i feel sad because...sunny zai going to leave me soon =( but then,i know i can't be that selfish,i need to put my family at 1st,selling both of the cars is the best way...
sunny zai,thanks for be with me all the time,u bring me to many places,bring alot of memories for me...take care ya~i going to miss you >.<
i really hope everything will be fine as soon as possible,i know mom is the one that worry dad more than us,feel scared more than us,feel lonely than us...i pray that mom can tahan till the end...i pray that my family problem will go away,all the good things are waiting for us to grab it~
but still,i feel lucky,i feel lucky that i have the belief in christian,because no matter how sad i am,god is still be there with me...and god put someone in my life that always be there for me...my friends,my dear friend that always willing to lend me their ears,willing to spend time with me just to share my problem...
and of course,there is someone that really special in my life...
i feel lucky to meet him,everytime i close my eyes,i feel that he was so close with me,and he always make it real for me,he make me feel that he really be there with me although he's far away from me,and i wish someday we really can belong to each other and i can tell eveyone that ...i'm yours...(,")(",)
they don't know how long it takes,waiting for the love like this,
everytime we say goodbye,i wish we had one more kiss,
i'll wait for you,i promise you i will... [lyrics -Lucky-]
dear,i really wish the love like this can become true in someday,i will wait...in faith...
in patient...i promise..i hope i can make it,and won't bring any hurts to u anymore...
tomorrow is another midterm,omg..i had finish read the notes,but then still need to memorize >.<
well,the pig...as usual,already in dream...haiz...tonight will be a lonely night,the raindrop is accompany me tonight,feel cool,like to listen to the sound of raindrop...i always feel like the sky will rain because its know my mood now,when i feel moody,the rainy day will came to accompany me..lol...
dad don't want to work for coming weeks,he said he need to rest,he can't concentrate in work.although i'm support the decison that he made,but then i still hope that he can go back to work,not only because of money,but is for himself,he always stay at home when he don't want to work..it just make the situation getting worses...i really worry about him,he told mom that he want to die,he feel suffer to live in this world...i was like...what??why dad will think in that way?i know he really feel suffer,lost,don't know what to do,but...he can't take in that way...it's really make us feel feel worry...i don't know how long that dad's needs for fully recover from now,i don't know what will happen on next...i just know that i need to be strong,but then...it's hard...
just now brother said that the best way to makes dad feel better is selling his car and my sunny zai,then we can change to another type of car that wont cost us too much in petrol fees,at first i feel sad because...sunny zai going to leave me soon =( but then,i know i can't be that selfish,i need to put my family at 1st,selling both of the cars is the best way...
sunny zai,thanks for be with me all the time,u bring me to many places,bring alot of memories for me...take care ya~i going to miss you >.<
i really hope everything will be fine as soon as possible,i know mom is the one that worry dad more than us,feel scared more than us,feel lonely than us...i pray that mom can tahan till the end...i pray that my family problem will go away,all the good things are waiting for us to grab it~
but still,i feel lucky,i feel lucky that i have the belief in christian,because no matter how sad i am,god is still be there with me...and god put someone in my life that always be there for me...my friends,my dear friend that always willing to lend me their ears,willing to spend time with me just to share my problem...
and of course,there is someone that really special in my life...
i feel lucky to meet him,everytime i close my eyes,i feel that he was so close with me,and he always make it real for me,he make me feel that he really be there with me although he's far away from me,and i wish someday we really can belong to each other and i can tell eveyone that ...i'm yours...(,")(",)
they don't know how long it takes,waiting for the love like this,
everytime we say goodbye,i wish we had one more kiss,
i'll wait for you,i promise you i will... [lyrics -Lucky-]
dear,i really wish the love like this can become true in someday,i will wait...in faith...
in patient...i promise..i hope i can make it,and won't bring any hurts to u anymore...
Sunday, November 16, 2008
不习惯
今晚的聚会超级早散的,而我也没找朋友喝茶,反常的我竟然回家去了...不知为什么感觉就怪怪的,也许是因为他不在吧...
他今晚很早就走了因为他朋友生日,而他今晚没有回家,这种感觉好怪,也许是我自己不习惯吧...因为他不曾在聚会还没开始就离开,也很少听他说去朋友生日会然后没回家...他常是等我的那个,担心我的那一个,因为我每次都出去喝茶还是庆祝生日的...这次轮到我了=( 也许我也习惯了每当回到家他就会陪我的那种感觉吧...所以今晚的我觉得时间过得很慢,也不想回他的信息,因为他在外面而且他说他喝酒了...哎,没事为什么要喝酒阿,不能拒绝喝然后驾车回家吗? 就因为他喝了酒所以没回家...平时的他已经在这个时候睡觉了...而且会不停唠叨我去睡觉...>.<
因为觉得时间过得慢,所以我选了套英文片看,看了两个小时还是觉得时间过得慢,又不想上网...哎...都是他的错 =(
这两天,爸爸时好时坏的,不知道他到底几时会完全康复...换了医生,换了药,第一次吃新药时我和妈都觉得他好像比较好,可是第二天他却变得无精打采的...妈妈不断的向我倾诉,因为她担心又不知道要怎么使爸爸好起来...而我能向谁倾诉呢?他总是叫我别想那么多,他总是说要陪我,结果他还是会睡觉...结果还是我打电话给他多于他打给我...为什么总是我打给他而他不会主动打给我呢...没错,他总是会给我一种很舒服的感觉,因为他不会消极的看待事情,可是...他就是不知道我常希望他会做的是什么...刚才看见他的妈妈和他的前女友交谈,我突然觉得...他的妈妈会喜欢她多过喜欢我吗..?我知道是我想多了...可是看到他的妈妈就是会让我有种压力,不知道要怎样形容...哎....
又到了星期天,以前我很喜欢星期天,可是现在的我却觉得星期天好难过啊...
爸爸的脸色总是在这一天会变得更沉重...因为他会烦要怎样度过这一天,对他来说一整天在家使他觉得烦闷,不知要做什么好...当他不知道要做什么的时候他就会自责...他自责的时候就会使我们觉得无言...因为该说的都说了,就是改变不了他的想法..oh my.....
终于!!到了一点半...我可以睡觉了..哈哈...他...应该在开心着吧...都是不找他了...哎...讨厌这种感觉~~~~~~~~
他今晚很早就走了因为他朋友生日,而他今晚没有回家,这种感觉好怪,也许是我自己不习惯吧...因为他不曾在聚会还没开始就离开,也很少听他说去朋友生日会然后没回家...他常是等我的那个,担心我的那一个,因为我每次都出去喝茶还是庆祝生日的...这次轮到我了=( 也许我也习惯了每当回到家他就会陪我的那种感觉吧...所以今晚的我觉得时间过得很慢,也不想回他的信息,因为他在外面而且他说他喝酒了...哎,没事为什么要喝酒阿,不能拒绝喝然后驾车回家吗? 就因为他喝了酒所以没回家...平时的他已经在这个时候睡觉了...而且会不停唠叨我去睡觉...>.<
因为觉得时间过得慢,所以我选了套英文片看,看了两个小时还是觉得时间过得慢,又不想上网...哎...都是他的错 =(
这两天,爸爸时好时坏的,不知道他到底几时会完全康复...换了医生,换了药,第一次吃新药时我和妈都觉得他好像比较好,可是第二天他却变得无精打采的...妈妈不断的向我倾诉,因为她担心又不知道要怎么使爸爸好起来...而我能向谁倾诉呢?他总是叫我别想那么多,他总是说要陪我,结果他还是会睡觉...结果还是我打电话给他多于他打给我...为什么总是我打给他而他不会主动打给我呢...没错,他总是会给我一种很舒服的感觉,因为他不会消极的看待事情,可是...他就是不知道我常希望他会做的是什么...刚才看见他的妈妈和他的前女友交谈,我突然觉得...他的妈妈会喜欢她多过喜欢我吗..?我知道是我想多了...可是看到他的妈妈就是会让我有种压力,不知道要怎样形容...哎....
又到了星期天,以前我很喜欢星期天,可是现在的我却觉得星期天好难过啊...
爸爸的脸色总是在这一天会变得更沉重...因为他会烦要怎样度过这一天,对他来说一整天在家使他觉得烦闷,不知要做什么好...当他不知道要做什么的时候他就会自责...他自责的时候就会使我们觉得无言...因为该说的都说了,就是改变不了他的想法..oh my.....
终于!!到了一点半...我可以睡觉了..哈哈...他...应该在开心着吧...都是不找他了...哎...讨厌这种感觉~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
why-when-how-
i just woke up,actually was awake because of mom n dad's conversation,im sleeping on living room and they are talking at there,still the same,mom keep told dad not to think that much,everything will be find,dad keep said he don't have energy,don't know this don't know that,i was like...i can't take it already,sometimes when he feel better abit,he will said that he must let himself to recover,but then sometimes he keep said that he was tired,can't work,blaming himself this and that...arRrrrrrrrrr~~~~help me!!!!
i really wish i can wash his brain,clear his mind!!i know what i need to do is accompany,talk to him...but then i can't really make it,because when he said don't want to work anymore,makes me feel like,my future...how about my future?if dad is not going to work anymore,i really need to work,work hard and maybe need to stop my studies after diploma,this is the worse thing that will happen if dad really can't recover...i hate this kind of thinking,but i really will be crazy if i keep listen to the same thing while the same time,i can't make any decision....my future,what i really want for myself...what can i do...
everyone ask me not to think that much,dad's is going to be fine,but then when the problem is happen to you,can you still be happy,can you still think and act like normal?i can't...i can't make it...i feel sick to myself everytime when i feel moody,i hate myself can't be that strong enough to face and handle all the problem....
why?why things must happen now??when?when can all of this be over??how?how can this be over??
i really really really tired!!!!i just feel like...im lost,im going to be like dad....
i really wish i can wash his brain,clear his mind!!i know what i need to do is accompany,talk to him...but then i can't really make it,because when he said don't want to work anymore,makes me feel like,my future...how about my future?if dad is not going to work anymore,i really need to work,work hard and maybe need to stop my studies after diploma,this is the worse thing that will happen if dad really can't recover...i hate this kind of thinking,but i really will be crazy if i keep listen to the same thing while the same time,i can't make any decision....my future,what i really want for myself...what can i do...
everyone ask me not to think that much,dad's is going to be fine,but then when the problem is happen to you,can you still be happy,can you still think and act like normal?i can't...i can't make it...i feel sick to myself everytime when i feel moody,i hate myself can't be that strong enough to face and handle all the problem....
why?why things must happen now??when?when can all of this be over??how?how can this be over??
i really really really tired!!!!i just feel like...im lost,im going to be like dad....
Monday, November 10, 2008
雨过天晴?
朋友都用雨后总会友晴天出现的比喻来安慰我...我感激他们的同时却还是很难受...
爸爸并没有好转,可是他去看医生了,希望会有帮助吧,我不想看见他一直靠药物来控制自己,哎~~
妈妈每天都在为他担心,这些我都看在眼里,可是我并不能做些什么,每天找朋友说回一样的问题,他们都会烦吧...
我选择打羽球,以为可以好好发泄再好好睡一下可是回到家我却因为看见爸爸的样子,心情又变得好无奈...可是却不能让他看见我们做儿女担心的样子因为他会更自责...神啊,你几时会把以前的爸爸给回我...?
那天哥哥又问起我关于读书的事情,他不太支持我出国,我也知道自己的程度...可是...我真的不想到kampar读书...
怎么办~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~我该继续还是放弃...?
雨过真的会天晴吗....?奇迹会出现吗....?
他常说笑笑就没什么了的,可是...为什么我常笑可是还是无法改变现在的问题....>.<
爸爸并没有好转,可是他去看医生了,希望会有帮助吧,我不想看见他一直靠药物来控制自己,哎~~
妈妈每天都在为他担心,这些我都看在眼里,可是我并不能做些什么,每天找朋友说回一样的问题,他们都会烦吧...
我选择打羽球,以为可以好好发泄再好好睡一下可是回到家我却因为看见爸爸的样子,心情又变得好无奈...可是却不能让他看见我们做儿女担心的样子因为他会更自责...神啊,你几时会把以前的爸爸给回我...?
那天哥哥又问起我关于读书的事情,他不太支持我出国,我也知道自己的程度...可是...我真的不想到kampar读书...
怎么办~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~我该继续还是放弃...?
雨过真的会天晴吗....?奇迹会出现吗....?
他常说笑笑就没什么了的,可是...为什么我常笑可是还是无法改变现在的问题....>.<
Saturday, November 8, 2008
-don't know-
i feel...like wanna fall sick ad...haiz >.<>
working on wednesday n thursday,then today was a FULL of classes day...class from 8 until 6pm but actually i skip 2hours btw it la..then class end around 5.30pm,i rush to jusco just to buy presents for cell group members then ruch to pekeliling,end up...cell group CANCEL..omg...i'm the first that reach there,and saw someone is like stealing other people car,scared me =( then when i know cell group cancel,i drive my car out of there...pekeliling was DANGEROUS~~~haiz....dinner with part of cell group members...then yamcha with daipat gang...until around 11.30 something,then reach home,bath n eat again because feel moody when i reach home...saw mom n bro are talking,they dun bother me,then i also dunwan talk with them,just straight away take my bath and bring my food into my room and online...haiz...tonite dun feel like wanna chat with frens when i reach home and heard what mom and bro talking =(
haiz...he was keep waiting me to be home although he feel tired,but when i reach home,my mood come again,so we also din chat more,i din really let him know about my feel but i just told him what happen then ask him to sleep,he also din talk much because he was sleepy and tired ad..haiz...i also dunno what i want =( not angry him but...haiz...HAIZ...I DUNNO WHAT I WANT TO DO NOW ~~~~~~~~
stupid replacement class at tomorrow 9-11 AM!!!!ishk~~~~i HATE it...somemore is LAW's tutorial...where got people go back for class at saturday morning...haiz...sienz!!!hate!!!ARrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRR!!!
should i sleep now?i really dunno...I DUNNO AR!!!sleep sleep sleep!!he always sleep before me!!how come??why??why i cannot sleep that early?!!m i weird?!!I DUNNO~~dunno~~this is what i always like to say when im in bad mood =(
working on wednesday n thursday,then today was a FULL of classes day...class from 8 until 6pm but actually i skip 2hours btw it la..then class end around 5.30pm,i rush to jusco just to buy presents for cell group members then ruch to pekeliling,end up...cell group CANCEL..omg...i'm the first that reach there,and saw someone is like stealing other people car,scared me =( then when i know cell group cancel,i drive my car out of there...pekeliling was DANGEROUS~~~haiz....dinner with part of cell group members...then yamcha with daipat gang...until around 11.30 something,then reach home,bath n eat again because feel moody when i reach home...saw mom n bro are talking,they dun bother me,then i also dunwan talk with them,just straight away take my bath and bring my food into my room and online...haiz...tonite dun feel like wanna chat with frens when i reach home and heard what mom and bro talking =(
haiz...he was keep waiting me to be home although he feel tired,but when i reach home,my mood come again,so we also din chat more,i din really let him know about my feel but i just told him what happen then ask him to sleep,he also din talk much because he was sleepy and tired ad..haiz...i also dunno what i want =( not angry him but...haiz...HAIZ...I DUNNO WHAT I WANT TO DO NOW ~~~~~~~~
stupid replacement class at tomorrow 9-11 AM!!!!ishk~~~~i HATE it...somemore is LAW's tutorial...where got people go back for class at saturday morning...haiz...sienz!!!hate!!!ARrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRR!!!
should i sleep now?i really dunno...I DUNNO AR!!!sleep sleep sleep!!he always sleep before me!!how come??why??why i cannot sleep that early?!!m i weird?!!I DUNNO~~dunno~~this is what i always like to say when im in bad mood =(
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
流不停的眼泪...
今天的心情原本是很开心,一直到下午,就开始不爽起来了,因为收到信息,说我没有把某些事情做好,我真的觉得不太高兴为什么总是不能把事情做好,总是要被她讲...哎~~~~
回到家,看见爸爸没怎么样,我就去吃饭,妈妈就问我明天做工的东西,我说我做到七点所以不用去朋友家过夜了,她就一重复的叫我如果没有必要就不用去朋友家,我当然知道啊,结果我的语气就大了点的回她说不要以为我每次都喜欢到别人家过夜,我真的没有想到自己的语气带来的后果是那么严重 ,妈妈在客厅一边骂,我就在饭厅一边吃,她不断的把问题说大,可是我知道她哭了,她一直在忍...而我也吃不下饭了,就一直在忍着不让眼泪掉下,可是我控制不了,结果就哭了,爸爸走进来要吃饭可是看见我哭,他第一次拍我的肩膀安慰我,我更难受...结果把饭倒掉洗了碗碟就进房间了...进了房间,我就一直一直的在哭,哭得好难受,我难受并不是我生气妈妈,而是生气自己把他们弄得那么难过.....一直不断的在哭,好辛苦因为无法停止,第一次哭得那么辛苦因为很难呼吸而且真的是哭到没力了...结果爸爸突然进来,看见我还在哭,他也忍不住哭了,他说如果不是因为他,妈妈就不会担心,因为他认为妈妈是因为他的问题而感到烦然后就向我发泄...第一次爸爸在我面前哭了,我告诉他这不关他事而是我不听话才会这样的...结果他走出房间了,我哭得更久,因为我内疚,难受...我令到自己的父母哭了...我真的不想的...我没有想过事情会变得这样...
好想找人陪可是哭成这样连讲话都难,幸亏有镇豪在网上听我诉苦,好点了...可是眼泪还是一直不断的滑落...
刚刚冲凉了以为不会再哭,可是还是控制不到自己的眼泪...明天四点半就要起身准备去做工...我再不停止哭泣我就不用见人了 >.< 再过一下子就要睡觉了...
他...刚刚发了个简讯给我,因为今晚其实是应该去教会的,我没去了...而他现在在教会,他说他很累...我就在想要不要告诉他,结果还是忍不住告诉他了,但是我没接他的电话,因为又哭了起来,不想让他听见我这把声音因为他还要练习了才可以回家,不想他分心...只希望他回到家好好休息,他妈妈不会因为我们出去的事而怪他...虽然我真的很想他出现在我身旁,很想告诉他我有多难受,告诉他我真的很需要他...可是我知道就算他在,他也无能为力...
我的心灵上...身体上...都很累..很累...我快撑不下去了,我真的觉得有病的人会是我了...>.< 我快崩溃了=(
回到家,看见爸爸没怎么样,我就去吃饭,妈妈就问我明天做工的东西,我说我做到七点所以不用去朋友家过夜了,她就一重复的叫我如果没有必要就不用去朋友家,我当然知道啊,结果我的语气就大了点的回她说不要以为我每次都喜欢到别人家过夜,我真的没有想到自己的语气带来的后果是那么严重 ,妈妈在客厅一边骂,我就在饭厅一边吃,她不断的把问题说大,可是我知道她哭了,她一直在忍...而我也吃不下饭了,就一直在忍着不让眼泪掉下,可是我控制不了,结果就哭了,爸爸走进来要吃饭可是看见我哭,他第一次拍我的肩膀安慰我,我更难受...结果把饭倒掉洗了碗碟就进房间了...进了房间,我就一直一直的在哭,哭得好难受,我难受并不是我生气妈妈,而是生气自己把他们弄得那么难过.....一直不断的在哭,好辛苦因为无法停止,第一次哭得那么辛苦因为很难呼吸而且真的是哭到没力了...结果爸爸突然进来,看见我还在哭,他也忍不住哭了,他说如果不是因为他,妈妈就不会担心,因为他认为妈妈是因为他的问题而感到烦然后就向我发泄...第一次爸爸在我面前哭了,我告诉他这不关他事而是我不听话才会这样的...结果他走出房间了,我哭得更久,因为我内疚,难受...我令到自己的父母哭了...我真的不想的...我没有想过事情会变得这样...
好想找人陪可是哭成这样连讲话都难,幸亏有镇豪在网上听我诉苦,好点了...可是眼泪还是一直不断的滑落...
刚刚冲凉了以为不会再哭,可是还是控制不到自己的眼泪...明天四点半就要起身准备去做工...我再不停止哭泣我就不用见人了 >.< 再过一下子就要睡觉了...
他...刚刚发了个简讯给我,因为今晚其实是应该去教会的,我没去了...而他现在在教会,他说他很累...我就在想要不要告诉他,结果还是忍不住告诉他了,但是我没接他的电话,因为又哭了起来,不想让他听见我这把声音因为他还要练习了才可以回家,不想他分心...只希望他回到家好好休息,他妈妈不会因为我们出去的事而怪他...虽然我真的很想他出现在我身旁,很想告诉他我有多难受,告诉他我真的很需要他...可是我知道就算他在,他也无能为力...
我的心灵上...身体上...都很累..很累...我快撑不下去了,我真的觉得有病的人会是我了...>.< 我快崩溃了=(
Monday, November 3, 2008
-谢谢你-
今天是很特别的一天...好久没这么开心了...今天 3/11/08, 我和他出去约会~哈哈..
今天因为我们都早上完课所以有时间一起出去,他第一次从他的学校来到我学校载我出去,说真的,我真的很开心,因为他愿意来载我 =) 我们先是去cineleisure,the curve,ikea 再去one U看戏 =) 虽然没有逛很多间店,可是就已经感到开心,可以和他一起看东西,买东西...他...真的变了很多,变得贴心多了...我真的觉得自己被他打动了...
他总是在我生气的时候对着我笑,真的不知该哭还是笑~因为他总是没有脾气似的,笑笑的带过一切的不开心...
虽然我们不是男女朋友,很多人也很好奇为什么我们不开始,可是一切的原因唯有我们自己最清楚知道,而且现在这样的关系对我来说还可以接受吧...一切就等上帝的安排吧~
我感觉到他真的很开心,虽然我们之间只是走走街,什么事都没发生,可是就是很开心因为很难得才有这么一天=)
可是...在回家的路途上,我不断的替他担心,也在想我们之间的东西...
因为对我来说,我害怕的是他妈妈,我总觉得他妈妈不太喜欢我,也许我真的多心吧...可是,那种被对方家人反对的感觉我真的感到好害怕,上一段感情的结束也是因为家人,我真的不希望这段还未开始的感情就不被祝福..
虽然他一直不断的告诉我不要怕,他会解决一切的问题,可是...我内心还是会忐忑不安 >.<
好累啊~回到家,又听见妈妈说爸爸的问题,爸爸看起来真的没有好转反而一天比一天差,看见妈妈诉说时的样子就可以感觉到她也是在担心,看见她的眼眶好像有泪光,我真的觉得心痛...啊~~~~~~~~~~~~~
到底爸爸几时才能康复?他以往的笑容已逐渐消失了,他那洪亮的声音也少了...
妈妈的叹气程度加增...而我...我也不知道该如何面对所有的问题...
assignment 又要开始忙了,多两天又要做工,教会也有东西等着我完成...
回到家真的希望可以开心点,可是...问题的存在真的让我好无奈~~~~
今天因为我们都早上完课所以有时间一起出去,他第一次从他的学校来到我学校载我出去,说真的,我真的很开心,因为他愿意来载我 =) 我们先是去cineleisure,the curve,ikea 再去one U看戏 =) 虽然没有逛很多间店,可是就已经感到开心,可以和他一起看东西,买东西...他...真的变了很多,变得贴心多了...我真的觉得自己被他打动了...
他总是在我生气的时候对着我笑,真的不知该哭还是笑~因为他总是没有脾气似的,笑笑的带过一切的不开心...
虽然我们不是男女朋友,很多人也很好奇为什么我们不开始,可是一切的原因唯有我们自己最清楚知道,而且现在这样的关系对我来说还可以接受吧...一切就等上帝的安排吧~
我感觉到他真的很开心,虽然我们之间只是走走街,什么事都没发生,可是就是很开心因为很难得才有这么一天=)
可是...在回家的路途上,我不断的替他担心,也在想我们之间的东西...
因为对我来说,我害怕的是他妈妈,我总觉得他妈妈不太喜欢我,也许我真的多心吧...可是,那种被对方家人反对的感觉我真的感到好害怕,上一段感情的结束也是因为家人,我真的不希望这段还未开始的感情就不被祝福..
虽然他一直不断的告诉我不要怕,他会解决一切的问题,可是...我内心还是会忐忑不安 >.<
好累啊~回到家,又听见妈妈说爸爸的问题,爸爸看起来真的没有好转反而一天比一天差,看见妈妈诉说时的样子就可以感觉到她也是在担心,看见她的眼眶好像有泪光,我真的觉得心痛...啊~~~~~~~~~~~~~
到底爸爸几时才能康复?他以往的笑容已逐渐消失了,他那洪亮的声音也少了...
妈妈的叹气程度加增...而我...我也不知道该如何面对所有的问题...
assignment 又要开始忙了,多两天又要做工,教会也有东西等着我完成...
回到家真的希望可以开心点,可是...问题的存在真的让我好无奈~~~~
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