why-when-how-

i just woke up,actually was awake because of mom n dad's conversation,im sleeping on living room and they are talking at there,still the same,mom keep told dad not to think that much,everything will be find,dad keep said he don't have energy,don't know this don't know that,i was like...i can't take it already,sometimes when he feel better abit,he will said that he must let himself to recover,but then sometimes he keep said that he was tired,can't work,blaming himself this and that...arRrrrrrrrrr~~~~help me!!!!
i really wish i can wash his brain,clear his mind!!i know what i need to do is accompany,talk to him...but then i can't really make it,because when he said don't want to work anymore,makes me feel like,my future...how about my future?if dad is not going to work anymore,i really need to work,work hard and maybe need to stop my studies after diploma,this is the worse thing that will happen if dad really can't recover...i hate this kind of thinking,but i really will be crazy if i keep listen to the same thing while the same time,i can't make any decision....my future,what i really want for myself...what can i do...
everyone ask me not to think that much,dad's is going to be fine,but then when the problem is happen to you,can you still be happy,can you still think and act like normal?i can't...i can't make it...i feel sick to myself everytime when i feel moody,i hate myself can't be that strong enough to face and handle all the problem....
why?why things must happen now??when?when can all of this be over??how?how can this be over??
i really really really tired!!!!i just feel like...im lost,im going to be like dad....