终于..

终于..我的diploma的生活就这样的结束了...
终于..在diploma 里的最后的考试在24/04/2009 结束了...
终于..到了玩的时候啦~~~~~~~~~~wuhoo~~~
回想起考试之前的压力还真的觉得很可怕...
在考试前,我们都还在赶assignment,
准备presentation,更可怕的是应付debate!!
天啊~那时为了这一切都差点崩溃了~
可是如今...这一切都已经结束...
我们已经脱离了这一切!!
也许大家再也没有机会一起崩溃...
也许大家再也没有机会一起压力...
想到这点,我就感到很不舍的...
不舍得朋友们...两年的友情得来不易啊...
甜酸苦辣的滋味都在友谊里尝过了...
真的不晓得大家的未来是如何...
是否继续学业?是否各分东西?
不过........现在并不是想这个问题的时候!
而是........
我们该如何渡过那即将来临的开心毕业旅行~
虽然都很穷了,可是还是觉得值得,因为不知道以后是否还有机会和大家聚在一起去旅行...
所以...我决定了!穷就穷吧!呵呵....过后才打算吧...!

可是话说回来...有一个月的假期,我还真怕再次养肥自己 >.<
哎....真的要好好计划一下我的运动计划~哈哈...
懒惰请离开我~~~

还是要面对

还剩下一张考卷...哎....
不想去想成绩会怎样,因为还是要面对...

最近的我情绪超暴......>.<
朋友们,对不起...
我很乱,很担心,很烦,很无奈,很闷,很无助...
我不知道为什么问题会说发生就发生,
我不知道为什么问题越变越大似的...
我一次的一次的以为事情不会那么严重,可以挨过去的...
可是事情的发生并不是想象中那么好...
我很累,选择保持沉默,以为可以就这样的算了...
我很烦,选择把话说出,以为可以就这样解决了...
可是问题还是存在着...
我真的无能为力......
爸,你到底要几时才可以振作起来...?
大家都快透不过气了...
我真的不知道该怎么办了...
再这样下去,我真的无法继续学业了......
也许是时候认真的为自己的未来再做打算了...
我......
只想一切能恢复原来的样子....可以吗...?
我知道还是要面对这一切...
可是肉体及心灵上都很累了....

我......
我只想好好睡一觉......

recently...

recently...everything was not that fine for me...
my 1st accident,i knocked an old man down with his bicycle when i was trying to make a turning on a junction...
i seriously can't forget the scene,when i saw him fell down infront of me..
is my fault..is because of my careless...
luckily the uncle just get hurt on his hand,and i paid him...
and i was lost in my mind,i don't know what to do,i don't know why i will did that mistake..
i can't imagine that if he is riding motorcycle,will him lying on hospital now?
i really feel scared...cry and cry...when i woke up on the next day,the scene keep appear in my mind..
darling,thx for accompany me after that accident...
i feel safe when u hug me tight in ur arms...
i know is a small accident,i should feel lucky that i din hurts anyone...
thank god...but i really don't feel want to drive in this few days...
i know i have to overcome it...i do feel disappointed,but i know you can't do anything,so i just drive on the next day...or maybe i should say...i already get used with it...
i know i should be more independent,instead of keep depend on you...
that is my first accident in my life...
back to my life...my family...
dad is still the same...don't want to work,don't want to go anywhere...
he somemore plan to stop working again,he wanted to sell his car...
for me,is not a problem that he selling his car,but he din plan well for it..
he just thought after the car get sold,he can get money and go back to his hometown without think about get a second-hand car...i don't know what actually he want,why he can't plan well?without car,how his going to survive?depend on my car?my car that always having problem??i don't understand....
i know he needs money,but can he just be more rational?i know he's still in illness..
no matter what we said,he already decide...i have no idea at all...
he don't want to work,then who is going to get income for our family?
mom can't work,she was thinking to be a baby-sitter again,but the problem is her legs was not that strong anymore...take care a little kids or a baby is not that easy for her anymore...
i really don't know how...Lord,please show me your way...
day by day...everyday when i reach home,saw dad's face,listen to mom's words...
and i can't do anything...i was like...im having my problem too..
i can't take it...it's just makes me feel confusing...
i don't know...my studies...can i still continue with it?
friends around me was having problem too...
my darling was sick n busy...sometimes i don't know how much he can understand with my situation...
lost...i'm lost...final is coming,and i still left 1 assignment..
i still need to take care of my church member...
everytime when i was sharing in front of them,i feel that i'm not supposed to do the sharing...
because myself was not that strong enough..and i still need to encourage them,help them..
im sick with myself...i hate that i can't really put down everything and settle it one by one...
family,friends,lover,myself...i'm not good enough...really feel bad...
can i just put down everythings and go to another place to take some fresh air...?
i need fresh air...............

my day...

my day...rojak day...lolx...
morning,went for class,after class then went for movie,
after movie went to USCI,darling's having choir performance,
fter that we went to church for practice,and the last...i'm HOME now!!
wow...that is my day!what a special day...
but...here comes again my feelings...
everytime after meet with your friends,i will have some weird feelings..
or i should say everytime when i know that i'm going to meet your friend,i'm sure feel bad before going ><
not because your friends was bad to me,not their fault...but is me...
i'm the one that think too much as u guys always said so...
but can anyone feel what i feel ....?
during the moment when i first step into the hall,facing to all of your friends,
they all were busy with their stuff,but you told me they want to see me...
but end up,i felt like i am just an extra over there..
stand aside,waiting for you...
looking at your friends,your friends talk,laugh,walking here and there,calling you...
and me....?i just walk away and wait you at outside there...
because it will makes me feel better...sorry dear...
yea,i admit that when you be with my friends,my friends also keep talking to me..
but for me,at least they din try to ignore you,they still can share jokes together with you...
is that really because of my english?because i can't really speak well with it?
is that because i don't know how to talk with them?
why...why....
i'm trying to put this away...
i'm trying to tell myself that i need to overcome it...
but still...it was too hard for me....
i feel stress when spending time with your friends...
because i keep on thinking what to talk on next,
how to reply in english,
how to join into the topic,how to mix with them...
i hate myself again....
i'm not a good gf ...i'm not good enough...
sorry that can't makes you feel proud because of me....
darling,sorry.....
i don't know how and what to do...
>.< >.<><

伤痕..

很多时候的我都会不知不觉的伤害了身边的人...
伤害身边的家人,朋友,甚至是我的爱人...
我只想说对不起...
可是很多时候也会不知不觉的被伤害...
我并不会讨厌伤害我的人,也不能怪他们,毕竟自己也在犯同样的错...
可是...
有些时候的伤害是会留下一些的伤痕,
在乎的是深还是浅的伤痕...
前一阵子,我原本很开心的在等待一件我期待已久的东西...
真的带着很期待又开心的心情...可是正当那样东西快属于我时...
那样东西被人夺取了...那样东西从此不会是属于我的...
很多个为什么出现在我心里,可是我却不能做什么...
只怪自己抱太大的希望,怪自己太天真...
原本我以为这件事不会在我心里留下伤痕...可是原来不是的..
每当我看见那样东西出现在我眼前而不是在自己的手里的时候,
那种很不舒服和不开心的感觉就会出现...我无法控制自己当时的感觉...
一次又一次,我压抑自己的感受...因为我以为哭过就没事...
一次又一次,没人感受到我的感受,没人感受到我内心的伤痕..
也许别人都觉得我是不甘心...可是我真的分不清了...
我分不清我是在否是在在乎那种被人夺去原本可以属于自己的东西的感觉..
还是是在责怪没人去为我争回来...
或许我自己也在矛盾着吧...
难道好的东西永远都不可以让我得到吗...
为什么总是没有看见我的痛...
为什么总是以为我可以接受...
为什么总是要我去接受这一切决定...
为什么总是让我想起这件事...
为什么得不到实际的安慰....
我不是没有尝试过站在对方的角度来看待这件事..我真的有...
只是我真的不知道自己为什么会这样...我很讨厌这种感受...
一件小事就可造成我心中有个小伤痕...
是我在执著吗...?也许吧....
今天的心情就因为这件事情再次浮现在脑里而难过起来...
情绪化的我......>.<

yiyerrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm soooooooooooooooooo ANGRY arrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!
i hate people give me last minute job!!
i hate people thought that i'm available for anytime for anything!!
why can't they just be more responsible???!!
although i'm just holding a small little position,but it doesn't mean that they can do whatever they want on me!!!!!ishk@@@@@@@@##$#%$#@$%#@#@@!%#@$
WHAT THE..............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
yiyerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

领悟

最近...我有了领悟...
有些事情发生就是发生了,谁都无法改变事实...
无论事情是多么的残忍,无论事情是多么的悲惨,事实始终是事实..
有些人试着改变,有些人试着接受,有些人可以接受,有些人并不可以...
无论你的看法如何,你的感受如何,你都得接受...因为那是事实...
事情的发生都是有原因的...
有些事情的发生是可以避免的,在乎的是你要不要去想办法避免它...
有些事情的发生是可以解决的,在乎的是你是否真的想要去解决它...
然而事情的发生往往就会带来喜又带来悲...
事情发生了,有些人会伤心难过,有些人开心得无法形容...
事情的发生让外人无法接受,无法明白...
唯有当事人才能明白,外人根本无法真正的体会当事人的感受...
也许外人觉得他们可以让事实有婉转的余地,
也许外人觉得事实根本不应该是如此,
但是外人真的无法体会当事人的感受更无法做些什么...
身为外人的我,也只好默默的为他们祷告...
毕竟有些话说太多并不会带来多大的帮助,
有些帮忙也似乎越帮越忙...甚至会对他人造成压力..
唯有安静的给于支持是最好吧...
不管再坚强的人始终还是会有伤心难过的时候,
既然伤心那又何必勉强自己去强颜欢笑呢?
既然伤心那又何必去压抑自己的难过呢?
偶尔让别人看见自己脆弱的一面并无害啊...
偶尔让别人安慰自己的难过也是一种帮助啊...
为什么人总是要自己在众人面前表现出最开心的一面...?
掩饰自己的难过并没错,可是释放自己何尝不是一种解脱呢...
我领悟...有些事情或许真的不该做那么多,讲那么多...
毕竟每个人都会有自己的立场,自己的想法...
有些时候真的要学习不去在乎,不去理会那么多...
做好自己的本分就好...
看着晴朗的天气,深呼吸,又是开始忙碌的一天...
朋友们,大家一起加油吧...
乌云总会过去,晴天也会再次的出现 =)

haizZzzzzzz

haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
busy,tired,rest,sleep...
busy,tired,rest,sleep...
haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZ!