hard to decide

we always need to made a decision,what we going to eat?what we goin to wear?and what should we do...too many decision that we need to think about it...

recently,my family financial problem seems like having problem again...
mom told me that dad ask me to think about weather going to kampar take degree or stop study after diploma.i was like...what?kampar??impossible..i rather stop study than going to study at kampar,a place that i dislike...but the reason dad ask me to made that decision is because he can't afford to pay me for taking advance and oversea,but if i really choose to take advance,i have to take oversea,so that i can get the certificate of degree.going to study oversea,will cost me alot...the only way is get the loan but then dad worry that my spendses at there,and he said my english is not that good,i may not communicate with people over there...again,money,language and result...
if my result can be as well as bro,i might get a scholarship at college,dad no need to worry about me too...dad is getting older,so do mom...i dunno what can i do to make things get better...
i cant always take part time job,it will influence my study,and church...if i really work,i cant go church that often..is hard for me to decide...
why?why everytime i need to made a decision that i hate to think about it...
i'm tired...tired with everything that i need to face,tired with everything that i heard from people...i hope i can solve all the problem,but i know i cant make it...
everyday when dad back from work,his face expression can show that he was unhappy,he don't have money anymore...and the next day,mom will tell me all about dad's problem...and i just listen and listen,then i go for class with all the problem that mom told me..i feel bad,but then when i reach college,there is no one that can really share with me,some of that also having their own problem,some of that don't have that mood to talk about this kind of things...
me,myself...also don't know who can i find to share with me...the time when i feel want to share with my best friend,she looks like argue with bf or dating with bf...or busy with her own thing..haiz...well,that is my problem,can't blame anyone...
are you willing to borrow me your shoulder?can i rest in your arm?can i share with you?
sometimes,i don't want to talk about my problem is because i know there is no one can help me,so i choose to be silent,but...it's make me feel tired...i feel want to shout to the sea...shout as loud as i can..
ARRrrrrrrRRRRrrrrrr~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

as a best friend,when i'm sharing the happiness,my result which is all pass with her,but she din show me that she also feel happy with me when i get the all pass result,she keep complain to me that she get the result that out of her expected...haiz...sad sad sad...
now my best friend is getting busy and busy,i don't know how to talk more with her...
well,the fact is i need to accept everything,no matter what happen,she still my best friend,no one can replace her as my best friend in my heart =)
nvm,is ok,coz i still got Jesus that always listen to me,the moment i get my result,i feel thankful because god really bless me with the result =)

talk about him...erm,he looks like having problem with friends,but he din tell me what happen yet,i just hope that the problem is not from the girl that likes him...hope they can keep the friendship as well as they can...wow,my eyes was tired,but i cant fall as sleep...feel...like...sleepy but then when i close my eyes,everything comes out in the same time...haiz~~~~
later still need to lead prayer at church,dear load,please give me the power...

Dear Lord,i really pray that the problem in my family can be solve,i pray that mom and dad will always be happy and healthy,they are getting older,please bless them with a healthy body..i pray that you will show me the way about my studies...i really don't know how to made decision..
in jesus name i pray,Amen...