if...

if....i can choose...i will choose to talk to u...
if....i can choose...i will choose to cry in front of u...
if....i can choose...i will choose to say i love u instead of i hate u...
if....i can choose...i will choose to walk away from here...
because...i hope u can know what am i trying to talk...
because...i hope u can feel how pain is my heart...
because...i hope i still have the chance to say i love u before i regret...
because...i hope i can get some fresh air n can make u realize what actually is happening...
i just feel like cant take it anymore....
i really feel like want to stop everything here to make myself feel happy...
i really feel like want to shout out loud in front of u to make u feel it...
dad....can u stop everything n back to normal...
i know i should pray hard until i see the miracle...
but sometimes...it's just hard....
i was too weak .......
i feel nothing right now although my tears keep on dropping.....
can i just choose to stop my studies and get out from here..?
can i just do whatever that can make me and mom feel happy..?
no one understand my feelings...my pain...
it just too much for me.....