final semester in my life...

it's final semester already...

which also mean that i almost finish my 4 years studies in Tarcollege..

there is a question that keep appearing in my mind...

go or not to go?should i go UK for 3 months to get my degree?

i know is a waste if i choose not to go...

but when back to reality,i know there will be a problem for me when come to the time i need to return all the loans...

if i choose not to go,means i have to find a job after this...

if i choose to go,means i need to work super double hard due to my limited english problem...

i know this is a problem for me,i was worrying that can't speak well,do well...

what if when others keep asking me the reason for not going?

what if when others feel bad when i decide not to go?

what if....there is none of them support my decision?

but i really worry that i can't graduate with a better results over there...

this final semester will be very stress to me...

the paper to resit is my second time of resit this...

mathematics...if still fail,means i no need to think about oversea at all..

if pass,then it will be great!!!

attending class alone with strangers are weird for me..

but what to do...no one will accompany me because that is my paper..

aikz...just trying my best.....

i know is bad to hurts someone that being good to me..

but sometimes when you trying too hard,its really make me feel bad..

because i know there is nothing going to happen ...

i'm clear with myself...

because there is no space in my heart anymore..

there is someone,something that is important to me...

i thought it's quite clear all the time,

because i just want a normal relationship...

i won't accept it,because i don't want the same thing happen again..

and i'm not worth for anyone to being good to me..

i'm not that good,or kind....

i don't know when i will choose to leave...someday maybe..

i feel bad after what happened that day...

when everyone was there and hurting me...

that was a hard time for me after being at there for so many years..

what i get is i need to apologize to the person that hurts me..

what i get is i lost some friends and there is a wall..

and the person that hurts me still moves on like nothing,

because they don't think they're wrong..

and i'm the one that people think i'm bad after all?

is that fair to me....?

i was thinking maybe i doesn't belong to this place anymore...

i feel stress,unhappy,suffer.....

who cares about that?i don't have parents to protect me..

but it doesn't mean you have the right to do that on me...

i just hate it.....i choose to let go...

but still...it's hard for me....

lord...help me...hold me by Your words please...

help me to forgive those that hurts me...

help me to be strong enough everytime i face them...